Mentor Mumma

13/10/2018

7 Tips to help your teen through exam time

Helping your teen through exam time doesn’t have to be a mine field of walking on egg shells and tip toeing around. It’s about being practical and helping them identify their own responses and showing them how to address these issues. Ensure you’re not adding pressure by setting unrealistic expectations or standards on them, and they’re not doing the same to themselves. Their lives, their choices, their consequences.

Some students will mask their stress and anxiety with a complete shut down of “I don’t care” and take themselves out of the game by just not trying, or taking part. Making out they don’t care about their grades (if a child in senior is doing this either they’re doing the wrong subjects or they’re not equipped to cope with real world stressors’ or aren’t worried about the future which is another topic for another time).

Some will take on board every little thing and react with either emotional or angry outbursts or both! 

Some aren’t academic and may or may not stress over upcoming exam times by getting depressed at their perceived lack of achievement.

Some kids will breeze through exam time, knowing they’ve done the hard work and their best is all they can do (for this group, a huge kudos to you as parents for teaching them these amazing life skills).

But what can I do?

   1. Help your teen recognise some stress is okay.     

 Stress is a natural response. It’s a healthy response. It can motivate, drive and keep you focused. But there comes a point where too much stress turns to anxiety and causes mental health and/or physical issues. Everyone’s stress levels differ. Help your teen identify when they’re moving into unhealthy stressing and give them some coping mechanisms such as the one’s listed below. If it gets too bad it may be time for some professional intervention such as school guidance counsellor, seeing a psychologist through a GP Allied Health Plan or Headspace etc or helping them learn meditation and breathing exercises.

   2. Check in with them regularly

You can check in with them regularly – not when they’re studying but on the drive to school, at breakfast or dinner time – it’s important during exam times to have family meal times – no devices, no study notes, no headphones, just family time to offload, talk things through, to keep a bit of normality in their lives. 

     3. Give them their space

You can give them their space. Ensure they have a quiet, suitable study place in the home where younger siblings will leave them alone and they can concentrate. 

   4. Spoil and remind 

Spoil them: My grade 11 daughter has her study desk in her bedroom which at the start of study period I plaster with positive and encouraging post-it notes for her, reminders to take a break, breathe and hydrate etc. I also stock it with bananas, fruit and nut mixes and her favourite chocolates – Lindt.

   5. Prioritising study over work

If they’re working part time help them to manage this with study and deadline expectations. For student’s going for university entry scores now is not the time to be getting as many hours at work as possible, now is the time to prioritise study. Teach them how to liaise with their boss to get required time off. Short term losses for long term gains. It’s also a great life lesson to teach them.

   6. Prioritising tasks

One of the greatest skills teenagers can learn is time management. Teach them how to prioritise tasks can help reduce stress and help them feel more in control. Having assessment pieces handed in prior to due dates teaches them not to leave things to the last minute, reducing a lot of stress. It also then clears them up to focus on exams.

   7. Teach them all your study tricks

Teach them all the tricks you learnt or if you weren’t very academic or scholarly ask someone you know who was, for their top tips. As someone with 3 degrees, mine are:

  • Eat properly during study and exam periods, it makes a big difference to mental state and memory
  • Magnesium is natures chill pill – most of us are deficient in it, and if your student has a lot of acne it could be a magnesium or zinc deficiency. Grab a bottle from the chemist and have them take one of a morning, if taken at night it can cause sleep disruptions for some people.
  • Teenagers get less sleep during exam times but it’s important to encourage them to get adequate sleep, to go with their healthy eating to get optimal results.
  • Each day during term recap what was taught in class. Learn it as you go along – a lot less time consuming and a lot less stressful than leaving it to a few days before the exam to learn and understand.
  • If you can’t explain something in under 3 sentences, you don’t understand it well enough. Study to understand, not remember.
  • Hydrate regularly
  • Set an alarm on your phone and get up every 45 minutes for a 5 minute stretch and walk around to get the circulation moving in your body.
  • Record your notes during the semester onto your phone and listen to them as you go to sleep. You’ll be amazed at what gets into your conscious and sub-conscious that you can recall when required.
  • The mark you get on this assignment or exam is not the definer of future success and careers. There are so many different avenues to so many different careers and jobs these days. Do your best but don’t let it affect your mental health.
  • Set realistic expectations. If you haven’t put in 2-3 hours of study each night after class for most of the semester (remember we’re talking to OP/ATAR seniors here) then you can’t realistically expect to fly through your exams. Recognise the effort you’ve put in and be realistic about the outcome you can achieve.
  • Remember, failure is a crucial step on the path to success. Worst case you fail, and learn from the mistake. 
  • Post-it notes around the house are under-rated – use them, everywhere.
  • “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right”. Henry Ford. The mind is amazing, teach your teens to think positively. Teach your teens of the plasticity of the brain and how they can change their lives by changing their thinking.

Remember, if stress gets beyond the normal, seek professional counselling and services.

Good luck seniors, school holidays are so close.

Good luck parents, empty nest is far too close now (and that’s a whole other article).

With Christmas and Graduations just around the corner, get in early and pick up some of our last remaining copies of Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens which is 16 chapters of tips to help your teens navigate the real world. Pick up a copy for just $10 HERE

Love,

 

Jo

 

 

 

07/01/2018

Reflections ….. aka It’s my birthday

One life- many lives lived

Reflections usually happen around the start of the year which also coincides with my birthday – good timing! This year I’ve been focusing on what I want to be when I ‘grow up’.  Contrary to what our kids and teens think, most of us adults are just winging it, and the decisions we make as seniors in high school rarely see us in the ‘career/job’ we thought we’d be in 30 years later. It’s important to keep reiterating this to your senior schoolers – it helps take the stress out of things that your decisions now, are it! They’re not. We get so many goes at creating our own lives and we get so many lives within our one life. As part of my work in the Aged Care Industry one thing that is common in across all conversations with 80 and 90 year olds is that we have so many different lives within our one life.

Choices + Consequences = Creation

The good news is if you make bad choices in one part of your life, that doesn’t have to reflect in your next chapter. We get to decide. We get to make choices that change our ‘destinies’ and we get to create our own lives. Another amazing thing to teach our kids. Our choices, lead to consequences that create our life = awesome. One of my favourite sayings goes something like this “If you’re not happy where your life is, get up and change it. You’re not a tree!”. One bad choice may result in some pretty bad consequences but that doesn’t define who you are or who your teen is. Next choice can be better, and so on and so on. Same goes for us and our budgets.. just saying 🙂

Goal Set – Vision Setting

But just like anything in life once you’ve made the choice to go in another direction, start a new career, start budgeting better, plan a holiday or whatever your new dream is you need to set yourself achievable and measurable goals. Teach your kids how to set goals. Maybe do some as a family this week before school goes back. Talk about what making the choice to achieve a particular goal will look like in the form of the consequences .. short and long term. And as always I promote doing vision boards. A page with pictures of your dreams on them… then setting your goals, mini and mega, on how you’re going to get there. Eg. Family holiday that will cost $10,000 in 18 months. Well that’s X amount per week we need to save, so in order to do that we will cut x from the budget, declutter our home together then hold a garage sale or Ebay to get rid of it and bring some extra cash into the home (or find extra work, or take on extra clients or shifts, or teens getting jobs or or or the possibilities are endless). Your life, your choices, your consequences remember 🙂 

Happy birthday to me – what next

Since I was little I’ve wanted to be a writer. I still do. That hasn’t changed at all. So I write where I can. I get paid to write reports after my assessments. But ultimately my absolute passion is in researching and writing articles, ebooks and books that improve other people’s lives (usually because it improved mine first through learning the hard way). So with that in mind I’m still writing my blogs, I’m still promoting my book Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens and beginning my next one “How to raise independent, responsible and resilient humans’ (or something like that… haven’t got the exact title yet), and have another venture or two up my sleeve that I won’t jinx by talking about it before it happens. Stay tuned…..

It’s still the first week of January.. first week of the new year.. a clean slate still before us..  what choices will you and yours make this year that require goals to bring about the desired consequences that create the lives you want? Go for it.. you’re all worth it and what a great thing to role model to your kids and teens.

If you haven’t joined our Facebook private group, come on over HERE 

The kids spoilt me as always for my birthday… all with their own money and minds. Miss 15 got me a massage voucher, Miss 14 a spa pedicure voucher, and Mr 9 a scented candle with diamonte heart band, and Choccies.  We went to the movies to see Pitch Perfect 3 and then Chinese Banquet dinner nom nom nom. Have felt the love with all the texts, calls, and posts xo xo xo  I’m 35..with a ‘few’ years experience 😉 Thank you for the love, I’ve definitely felt it.

 

 

Love 

Jo

 

29/12/2017

Mindful Parenting for 2018…

This photo was taken almost 40 years ago!  And when looking for a suitable photo for today’s blog on Mindful Parenting I came across it and thought it illustrates perfectly what I want to say today. The older child, is me.. almost 40 years ago! When I turned 21 my Dad said from now on you’ll find time goes so much faster. He was right. This parenting caper we think will never end when they’re toddlers and primary school kids, goes at lightning speed once they hit the teen years. For my parents they don’t just wonder where the 18 years of our childhoods went, but where that last 40 years went! And as our own kids near their teen years or enter them we begin to think have I taught them all they need to know, there’s still so much more they need to learn for the real world, have I prepared them enough.

 

In Australia we have 25% of our population living in poverty! (Oh wow this blog took a hard core turn! Did not see that coming!). The Poverty In Australia Report (2016) states that 17.4% of all children (under 18) were living in poverty in Australia in 2013-2014. For single parent homes that rose to 40%! And that was an increase from the 2003 to 2004 period! 

 

“More than 730,000 children live in poverty
(one child in six). In single-parent families,
four children in ten now live in poverty.
After 25 years of uninterrupted economic
growth, we can do better than this!”
David Morawetz, Australian Communities Foundation (Social Justice Fund)

One major way this stops and corrects itself is to break the cycle (you may have seen me use #breakthecycle a fair bit, it’s so close to my heart). And how do we do that?

It starts at home.  It starts with making different choices for ourselves and our kids. We can blame the education system all we like but the harsh truth is real life lessons should be learnt and taught at home. Sadly,  many adults do not know how to get themselves out of poverty or are unable to and therefore are unable to role model and teach this to their own kids. (Obviously I”m not talking about people with significant disabilities (mental or physical)).

HOW? – Mindful Parenting

Mindful parenting is the idea of raising your kids in a purposeful way. On top of all the extra curricular activities and being a ‘kid’, it’s about implementing things in the home that teach them life skills and more importantly money skills and strategies that will help them stay out of poverty.

What? Ten top mindful parenting tips to help your family #breakthecycle

  1. Teach them real life skills such as how to cook and make them responsible for planning, preparing, cooking and serving a  meal and cleaning up from it once a week (From 9 years onwards with lots of guidance and teaching from you to start with).
  2. Have them earn money from a young age and teach them the value of money. One of the things we do is when we go out for a day my kids buy their own lunches with money they’ve had to earn. This teaches them the value of hard work, the value of a dollar, the value of spending wisely, the value of saving so you can spend it in the future (and as they get older teaches them about saving so they can invest in the future). Find something for your family.
  3. Become financially literate. Teach your kids to budget. As they enter the teen years show them the household weekly and yearly budget and help them do the budget for the week/fortnight/month including the shopping list, shopping, paying the bills etc with your guidance. Help them set savings goals. As parents I highly recommend you read Scott Pape’s book “The Barefoot Investor”. I promise you will thank me.
  4. It will not kill your kids to do their own washing (after about age 9 – when they can reach the clothes line and washing machine). In fact it will teach them mum is not a maid, they are responsible for themselves, and a life skill. 
  5. Do your future son and/or daughter in laws and grand children a favour – teach your kids how to be great role models for their own future families with money, relationships, goal setting, dreaming, working hard and having purpose. For some of us we need to learn these skills ourselves. Education is not just 12 years it’s life long. Teach them to educate themselves – this is a vital life skill. Some kids don’t know how to research on line, show them, some kids don’t know how to get a book out of the library, show them….
  6. There are plenty of online financial courses you can do – everything from budgeting 101 to how to invest to make your money work for you. If you are Centrelink recipient with a little bit of income coming in from somewhere even cash in the hand jobs, the Benevolent Society has a great course which teaches you to budget, tips on savings and at the end of the 10 months the $500 they have had you save (which is surprisingly easy when shown how even though you think no way!) is matched by ANZ and you have $500 to spend on educational expenses.. well you spend your $500 and get $500 back!
  7. Mindful parent – it’s hard not to get lost in the busy-ness of everyday life with kids and teens, but a little planning at the start of the year can make all the difference. Think about the things you’d like your kids to learn this year and set about thinking of ways you can teach this to them. Just one example I hear so often is “the school holidays cost me a fortune!” well why not plan for next Christmas for the kids to be paying for their own outtings and fun by setting a boundary/purpose/goal that each child will try to earn X amount per month so by December 2018 school holidays they have enough to fund their own entertainment. This is obviously for kids over 9 (but many adaptions can be made for younger kids – perhaps they can fund their own treat at shopping etc), and there’s always room for parents to treat their kids to movies, bowling etc on top of what they pay for themselves. Find what works for you and yours around what you want to teach them. Another complaint I hear from parents of teens is the laziness issue – this is sometimes due to parents doing everything or most things for the teens. Just stop it and let them bare the consequences of their own actions or lack thereof. No one said parenting is easy in fact it’s 18 years of fun, laughter, love and adventures but also of guidance, role modelling, boundary setting, boundary relaxing, teaching, learning (them and us), advising and letting go so they can soar on their own.
  8. If you lack the information/tools/capacity to educate your kids in the ways of the real world and making money work for them, there are plenty of online resources to help. Libraries are full of books and magazines. Self education is possible – you don’t just owe it to your kids, but to yourself!
  9. When doing up the kids chore lists for the year, think about what it is you want each of them to learn. Not just the basic skill, but going above and beyond, taking pride in their work, the value of hard work and it paying off, being part of a family (we all live here we all help) etc. Our latest thing in this household is “Are you proud of the job you’ve just done?”. Especially with Master 9 and his sweeping skills. He has the ability to do a good job, he just often chooses not to do a job he’s proud of so for the past week or three when he finishes his chore I’ll ask him if he’s proud of his effort and the result? And I don’t ask in a condoning tone but a questioning one, getting him to evaluate himself. At the start, about nine times out of ten he’d say no and go back and redo it. He now does a better job and it’s only every so often he says no, most times he looks over his work, smiles and says yes. Of course if he says yes and I know he’s not and he’s done a crap job he gets to do it again AND another one and I tell him good try mate.
  10. Words – are extremely powerful in mindful parenting and in life. We become what we think and say we are. Help your kids and teens choose their words carefully. Redirect negative talk and thinking. Some of us might need to retrain ourselves in this regard. Regular routine dinner times with all the family are vital (this gets harder as teens start working outside the home but most nights can be sit down family meals with a bit of preparation and retraining the family, and while you’re all there this is where your mindful parenting comes into play – think about what you want to teach them for the week, weave it into conversations and teachable moments.

Your kids only get one childhood. it goes by so fast. My parents look at the above photo from almost 40 years ago and wonder where the years have gone, let alone the 18 or so we had as our childhoods. Parents, we’re all doing our best to make them memorable, but we also need to focus on making our kids childhoods and teen years purposeful and ready for real life so they can not just survive, but thrive. THIS is how we break the cycle, together.

Of course I can’t let the opportunity go without plugging my book “Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens” which may have some great information for parents too who perhaps had parents themselves who couldn’t pass a lot of real life skills and knowledge on to you. Sixteen chapters of guidance, advice and tips on succeeding in the real world. Only $10. If you know someone who’d benefit why not buy a copy and gift it to them, maybe even anonymously if you’re worried how they’ll react. TOGETHER we CAN break the cycle!

 

You may have also noticed a name change from Mentor Mumma to Parenting Australia. I felt the latter was more encompassing. If you haven’t joined our online group yet please do so HERE

Happy New Year. I have such a great feeling about 2018. Let’s make it fun and full of adventure for our kidlets and ourselves but most of all, let’s make it purposeful for them, and ourselves – we all deserve it. Together, we WILL break the cycle!

Love

Jo

26/11/2017

Hang on.. school holidays are nearly here!

Tis the season… to batten down the hatches parents. School holidays are fast approaching, but first, the last two weeks of school need to be survived! We can do it. Hang on!

We all know what I”m talking about. That last two weeks of term. The tireds. The tanties. The “I just can’t be bothereds” and that’s just us let alone our kids.

You are not alone. Almost every parent of school kids is on the same journey.

5 tips to get you through the next fortnight:

  1. Pick your battles.

    This is the time of year to let a ‘tude or two slide, the time of year to cut your kid some slack, but not if they’re being disrespectful. It’s okay for them to lose their cool, but not at you. You are not a punching bag. Let them cool off in their own way – often hiding in their room or jumping on the trampoline for two hours! Let them know it’s okay to lose it occasionally, but not at others. Teach them how to handle the ‘meltdowns’ of life. They’ll need it as adults too!

  2. Don’t micro manage.

    This is the busy time of year. We’re in a hurry. Nothing sets teens, and primary school kids off more than having their every move controlled, planned, manouvered and checked. Give them some space. 

  3. Prioritise.

    You don’t have to do everything. There will be carols nights, fireworks nights, award ceremonies, concerts, mini concerts, parades, tree lightings, break up parties etc etc etc You don’t have to attend everything you’re invited to. It’s okay to prioritise what’s important to you and your family, and let everything else slide.

  4. Relax. Chill. Destress.

    Kids pick up parent’s anxieties. Take an extra 10 minutes at night as you collapse into bed to meditate. Try getting up 10 minutes earlier and meditating of a morning. Long. Deep. Regular breaths are crucial as is remaining grateful – keep that gratitude list replaying in your head. When you’re stuck in traffic, running 10 minutes late for your child’s “insert any activity”, and all the mummy guilt in the world is running through your head and heart.. take a big breath, relax your shoulders and think of some things you’re grateful for. You’ll be late. That’s life.

  5. Have something to look forward to.

    Over dinner one night get a piece of paper and have each child come up with a school holiday FREE event that you can all do as a family. Their answers may surprise you. Set a date that you WILL do each. Write these on a sheet of paper, put them on the fridge. This gives you all something to look forward to, and reminds you just two weeks to go, you can make it! 

Enjoy as much of the last two weeks as you can – swimming carnivals, school discos, carols nights, performance nights/days, awards days/nights, parent teacher interviews, excursions, break up parties etc etc etc.

HANG ON..we’re nearly there, then the real fun begins 😉 

Have you joined our Facebook group yet? You can do so HERE

Looking for a book for your teens for Christmas? Check out Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens HERE

Love

Jo

08/08/2017

Senior school subject selection

Pele..success is based on doing what you love

Senior school subject selection is going on in a lot of homes across Australia at the moment. My miss 15 is in grade 10 and it’s that time of her school life. Is it causing your child anguish? You? I hope not.

Almost all of their schooling lives I’ve let the kids decide what THEY want to study and what extra-curricular activities they take part in (within reason otherwise Mr 9 would be doing 10 sports a week!). Senior school subject selection is no different. It’s her choice. And just as with anything choices bring consequences – good, bad and indifferent.

Education is very important in our home, because I know it gives options and opportunities. My main aim with their education has been to get them to a point where at the end of grade 12 they have a variety of choices and are not limited in what they want to do because of grades. We reward effort as much as grades because effort is what gets you places in life. Grades are what open doors. Other pathways offer different doors. I want my kids to have as many doors open to them as possible so THEY can choose – uni, tafe, workforce or a combination. But at least they’ll have choices.

This is where Senior subject selection comes in. Making the right choices and by right I mean the choices that help them reach their goals but also bring joy and fun along the way. One of my favourite quotes:

“Success is no accident. It is  hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, LOVE of what you are doing or learning to do”

Pele (Famous soccer player)

 

Now, having said that there are a myriad of ways to achieve their career paths these days and for kids who want a profession they’ll need university. However, even university has options these days. Currently Miss 15 is wanting to do be a Doctor of Medicine in the Army. Medicine these days is not dependent on an OP 1, although it helps. There are options but there are also pre-requisites which must be met. 

For kids who want to work in a trade, child care, hospitality etc etc etc there are apprenticeships, traineeships, TAFE and trade schools. Just so many options. 

Then there are those kids who will want to go straight into work. So many options there too – private sector, public service etc etc etc.

In my book, Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens there’s a chapter titled To Study or work, or both? In this chapter I talk about encouraging your kids to find their passions early on and try to make a career from that or with elements of it. Not every furniture making super star will want to be a carpenter, but it sure is a good place to start. 

So as you navigate these next few weeks encourage your kids to look at what they enjoy and what they’d like to spend their lives doing. Have them look at what they’re naturally good at – a great starting point for career decisions. Remind them that if they change their mind in two years time that’s okay, just as it is if they change their minds in 10 or 15 years time. Very few people stay with the same careers or jobs their whole working lives these days. You can change your mind at any time. You’re not a tree, you can uproot yourself and move and change jobs and careers. There are many many options and pathways to your chosen careers and jobs these days. But as always do your homework and know what they are. If going to Uni know what prerequisites are required. If going to TAFE know what is required. If going straight into the work force look for work experience in areas that enhance their employability. 

I’ll leave you with the advice I gave my Miss 15:

Choose the subjects you NEED to do,

then make the rest of your subjects ones that are fun for you”

So now she’s busy working out what she really needs and it seems although she needs Chemistry for some Universities, there is the option to do it as a 4 week course at the end of grade 11 or 12, and have that counted. Meaning she can do her beloved Drama class for senior years. Everyone wins. There are options. Dare to dream kids, the world is your oyster. What options are you giving yourself?

Have a great week and happy subject selecting. Would love to know what your grade 10’ers are currently considering for their future selves (how many of us actually ended up doing what we initially set out to do..very few I imagine, and such is the fun and adventurous rollercoaster that is life).

You can pick up a copy of my hard copy book here

Jo xo

 

15/05/2017

This is how an Aussie single mum took her kids to Disneyland…

So how did this Aussie single mum take her kids to Disneyland! Here’s How….

Just 14 months ago I realised that my eldest daughter’s childhood was almost over! So I decided to make one of her (and her siblings) childhood dreams come true -Disneyland Anaheim (that’s the only one that counts in her books). So I surprised the kids (their beautiful reactions are in the vid link attached below, worth watching..still brings tears to my eyes) with a family trip to USA to visit Disneyland, Universal studios, Hollywood, Vegas and Grand Canyon. We leave tomorrow!!!! A concert to Miss 15’s favourite Youtuber has been thrown in, along with Dodgers games, Santa Monica etc etc. So, how did I, a single mum who just a few years ago was on the poverty line, make this happen for us? 

Watch the moment I told the kids ‘via a storybook’ they were going to Disneyland HERE 

Intention setting

We’ve approached this trip like we do life, worked as a team and set our intentions. I saw Oprah Winfrey a few years back and as a ‘comper’ (someone who enters multiple competitions) in the past I’ve always been a part of the set your intentions, affirmation and positive vibe ‘thing’. But seeing Oprah she reiterated to me the importance of setting your intentions, every day. It’s like adjusting your sails and setting course. I love it. I love her. So we set our intention to visit Disneyland as a family without financial issues in 2017. And as we did that the universe conspired to make it happen. I started getting more work than I’ve ever had ( I’m a sub contractor (Disability and Aged Care Assessor, and Relocation consultant) so a mega thank you to APM and Nuss Relocations for the extra clients and work – great companies to work with), miss 14 got a job, the kids started earning money from outside sources and we researched intensely for good deals. So step one, was set our intentions and continue to do so each day.

Team work

It meant we all got on board. As a single mum there is no back up apart from the support network I’ve put in place, and I’d be lost without them. So my little family, works and operates like a team. This meant we had two no spend months. Other than rent, set bill money, food and petrol for the car, we spent nothing else (I always prepay my bills – put money in weekly ahead of time so I never actually get a bill). You’d be amazed how much you actually fritter away when you’re not looking. Having NO money to spend once the weekly shop and petrol is in the car saves a heap over the course of a month. We also had a few $30 shop weeks where we did an inventory of the pantry, and then worked out our meals with what was already there and what we needed to get to make a meal out of what we already had. This was an idea I got years ago from Simple Savings – thanks guys. You’ll be surprised what you find in that pantry and freezer! It’s about working smarter, not harder. This again saves around $120-$170 a week (our normally shop for 4 is between $150 to $200 a week). We tried to do one every six weeks (some weeks I got so busy we inadvertently did it lol). If you can avoid late fees on bills, reduce your shopping and incidental spends you’ll be amazed that you can save $100 a week, which is $5200 a year!!!. Take care of the cents, the dollars take care of themselves 🙂 Go Team Harlow.

 

Planning

Intention setting is all well and good, so is having dreams but at some point the practical has to step in and that’s where the planning happens. Working out the budget and working to get as much value as we could from each dollar. The conversion rate is a real party pooper however we managed to pay for all our accommodation while the dollar was at 79c, Disney and Universal tickets bought at 77c and cashed converted around 75c (which is really 72c when you buy it .. OUCH!). I also put a shout out to anyone else that wanted to join with us and while a few families put their hands up lifelong friend Feliesha said yep and she, also a single mum, who I used to babysit when she was 3, is coming along with her now 4 year old son Zavia, which has been fantastic as she is brilliant at finding bargains and getting good deals too, so between us we really did get value for money. And that’s important to me. I’m a strong proponent of the, WHEN you take care of the cents the dollars will take care of themselves” philosophy. We worked from our budget, worked out where we wanted to go and then worked out what we could do within those boundaries – a LOT it seems lol. Dreams need plans and goals.

Saving

The kids had to work and save their own spending  and lunch money. I find that when you feed them a buffet breakfast (which I chose accommodation where this was provided) and a large dinner, lunch is fairly give and take. If I’m paying they’ll want lunch and a lot of it. If they’re paying, they’ll be happy with $5 sangas. So that was the deal, I pay for flights, accommodation, Disney, Universal, breakfasts and dinners. Everything else they have to pay. Miss 14 found a job and started working and saving. Miss 13 and Master 8 started finding ways to earn pocket money at home and elsewhere (which also helped me as I was working a lot – thank you Universe). We were also blessed by awesome grandparents who put in $70 spending money for each of them and their gorgeous Aunty Jarxxi gave them U.S. spending money – that made it a bit more real too, so now they’re set. I set them a goal of saving $500 each, they all surpassed that in 14 months. Way to go kidlets. Already they’ve paid for their hop on hop off bus tour at $80 for the girls and $55 for Dan. It’s been a pain having to pay adult fairs for teens but that’s life it seems. Set the budget then get to doing what it takes. Don’t say I can’t afford it, ask HOW can I afford it <3 

 

Staying focused (Focus + Effort)

This trip has been in the forefront of our minds for just over a year. Their savings goal was put on a Disney inspired sheet and plastered around the house (toilet door, bathroom mirror, fridge – all their home hang out spots 😉 ) as a reminder of what we were doing as a family but also what THEY needed to do to help make it happen. For me I have done a daily intention setting “It is my intention to take Kit, Charz, Dan and I to Disneyland and surrounds in healthy and whole condition, without financial issues in May 2017″ (I set the May date about a year ago – one of the cheapest times to go, one of the less crowded and fitted in with our lives). Also, my favourite celeb on the planet, Dwayne ‘The Rock” Johnson has a saying: “Success at anything will always come down to this: Focus and Effort. And we control both”. His Baywatch premier is in LA the same time we are so, yes, I’m setting my intention to meet him!!! Focus and Effort style.

Practical 

Besides working, working and working. Finding ways to save money and tighten the belt by resetting priorities. Finding ways to save on the actual holiday by getting bargains. My highschoolers went to their teachers, found out when assessments were due and worked with the staff to get ahead on their school work and make sure things were handed in on time or ahead of time, or extensions granted where needed. (Kudos kidlets #soproud). I also had to improve my fitness. I’m 46, and fat – that’s life. I’m happy with me but the reality is I’m not currently built to walk 15kms a day, so that had to improve so we started getting up earlier and going for family walks. This did two things. Improved my fitness, and got us closer to LA time, and also gave the kids a few laughs at mum TRYING to jog and keep up. It also identified a foot injury I didn’t know I had and was able to rectify before we left. I also decided we would only take hand luggage therefore we had to get the kids the right sized bags (I chose that as less stress and hassle with checking in, arriving, possible missed bags which I’ve experienced in the past, etc etc etc). And the hours spent the past two days printing out all our bookings, setting the itinerary and earlier in the year checking passports (getting passports that was a drama but that’s another story!), getting visas etc etc. We’re even catching up with an old friend of mine June over there #awesome timing. Today I’m crossing the I’s and dotting the T’s 😉 It’s great having dreams but at some point the goals and planning needs to have action to make it happen.

A Dream + Focus  + Effort + Intention Setting + Goal setting/planning + Action  has resulted in this becoming a reality for us. Me and my three. And the good news is, anyone can make it happen!!!

Gratitude

We teach kids to say thank you but so few adults do these days. I have tried really hard to impart not just the generic thank you into the kids lives but also true gratitude for the experiences they have, the things they have and do and for all parts of their lives – because everything can teach us something. They dont’ always see it that way but they’re learning to, slowly 😉 I think gratitude has a lot to do with achieving goals and dreams. I am soo very grateful for everything coming together (including the mindsets, the actions, the extra work , and the actual initial thought to do this trip) so we could make this trip happen for ourselves. We did it. So proud. So grateful.

What’s your family’s dream?

Join us in our FACEBOOK GROUP to share in our journey, and others parenting teens and preteens.

Now, please Watch the moment I told the kids’via a storybook’ they were going to Disneyland HERE 

Love,

 

Jo and Co

xo

(Jo has been a single mum for almost a decade now, and has had a rollercoaster of a ride. With a passion for helping others achieve their dreams, she created Mentor Mumma – for those who want to enjoy the ride together, learn from each other, and use the village to raise our kidlets <3 )

22/03/2017

Parenting early teens: Relationship Vs Discipline

So you’ve got preteens or early teens. Congratulations, you’ve entered a fresh new chapter. (Some call it a fresh new hell! But it doesn’t have to be that way.) It should be an exciting relationship building time – fraught with challenges, conversations and collaborations.

When kids are under 10 and their behaviour is inappropriate we reprimand, discipline and when required punish. But as they get older how we treat them should change. Our relationship dynamics change and rightly so. We don’t want them to remain children we want them to grow into responsible and respectful young adults. Preteen and early teen parenting requires less to no discipline, and

more relationship building and communication – listening, a LOT, and using teachable moments to mentor, to guide and to provide insights

(which doesn’t mean there’s no phone confiscations, screen time modifications or increased chores at times – these can be great behaviour and attitude modifiers when a message isn’t getting through!).

HOW?

 Many will state they want more independence, great, that’s what you want for them too – help them gain this by giving them the independence to make their own breakfasts and lunches every day, the independence to contribute to the family by planning, cooking and cleaning up from a family dinner once a week, the independence to be doing their own washing, and the independence to go to the movies with friends without you (or whatever activity it is – within safe guidelines of course) using money they earned themselves from chores around the house.

In our home I look for teachable moments (okay so I don’t have to look they turn up every bloody day in a stack of different ways!) and address the real issues, the root causes and work from there. This is only possible by having open dialogue with them, keeping the lines of communication open, being in their lives, actively And setting a standard of respect in the home – respect for self plus respect for others.

If you find your preteen arguing back, this is a great sign that they trust you enough to dialogue with you (silence is never golden, silence is hard to break!). When it becomes an issue is when it’s done with disrespect. Teach them this. Teach them they can argue and disagree with anyone at anytime as long as they do it with respect and have done their research and can back themselves up with facts.

Remember especially preteen and teen girls have a host of self esteem and self confidence issues – help them improve their sense of self worth. Guard what they watch and listen to (and who). Affirmations and positive role models and influences. Encouragement from you – if you as their parent are not their greatest champion, you’re parenting all wrong.

And never be afraid to call in reinforcements. Parenting is not for the faint hearted – consult others  – friends, psychologists, articles, coaches, other people of influence in your child’s life. 

Seek to build relationship and use teachable moments, putting behind you the years of punishing and disciplining. Let them see you vulnerable and human. Say you’re sorry when you need to and be the type of person you want them to be. We teach people how to treat us, if you don’t like the way your preteen or teen is treating you, change how you respond and teach them how to treat you with respect.

And we do this by building relationships with them: discussions (where they’re allowed to disagree with you!), hugs, encouragement, building a family team environment, listening, loving unconditionally, expecting and setting respect as a standard, and being their greatest champion (when they KNOW you have their back you’ll have a different child on your hands).

You’ve got this xo

Love,

Jo

Mentor Mumma

PS Have you joined our Facebook Group: HERE

 

 

 

20/02/2017

Proud! And you should be too…

Dear kidlets,

Parents, don’t be afraid to be proud of your kids,  and especially don’t be afraid to let them know just how proud of them you are. Not for what they do, but who they are. Teach them to be proud of themselves and even more important teach them to be proud of and for their friends and family.

I’m proud of you.

I’m proud when you give things a go, (regardless the result).

I’m proud when you stand up for yourself.

I’m proud when you stand up for others.

I’m proud when I hear you counselling/helping friends who are anxious, scared or worried.

I’m proud of you when you overcome fears and obstacles to achieve your goals.

I’m proud you set goals.

I’m proud you follow your passions, regardless of what others say.

I’m proud you know who you are and aren’t afraid to be exactly that, you.

I’m proud you rise above negativity and leave it behind.

I’m proud you choose to use humour, your brains and your heart.

I’m proud of your accomplishments because I know how hard you work to achieve them.

I’m proud when you are elected to school leaderships positions, but I’m more proud of you putting yourself out there,  having initiative, being brave, giving it a go, and in one of your cases overcoming a fear of public speaking to do so. Regardless the result. 

I’m proud when I get reports cards that state you are valued members of your class – not because of what a test tells us but because you volunteer to help, show respect to others, you step up, you show initiative, and you shine as YOU.

I’m proud when you get good grades because I know how hard you worked for them, and it gives you opportunities, now and in the future. 

 

But most of all, I’m proud to be your mum, because you are you, a kind hearted human being with hope in your eyes, ambition in your bones and dreams in your hearts. You are you.

I am your biggest supporter.  I will be proud of you all of your life, not for what you do but for who you are.

Parents, don’t be afraid to be proud of your kids,  and especially don’t be afraid to let them know just how proud of them you are. Not for what they do, but who they are. (And definitely celebrate the successes and achievements too, they all combine to make them who they are). #proud #proudmum Teach them to be proud of themselves and their friends. Real self esteem. Real self confidence. Let’s build it together.

Love,

Mentor Mumma,

aka Jo.

05/02/2017

Let’s teach our kids to dream…

Teaching our kids to dream keeps us dreaming too.

Kit turned 15 last week. When she was four I took her, Charz, and my two nieces to Disney on Ice. There they fell in love with Disney and Kit was especially enamoured. I declared then that before they reached adulthood I’d take them to Disneyland.

Life happens. Time passes and before you know it your cute little 4 year old is 15 and in grade 10. Last year I decided WE WOULD make the family trip to Disneyland happen.

The video attached shows their reaction when we I ‘told’ them in my own way.

Fast forward to 2:07 for THE reaction. VIDEO HERE

 

Fourteen weeks on Tuesday we head to Los Angeles where that decade long dream will come true!

So how did we make it happen?

We had a dream.

We set goals. Me for the main budget and the kids have a goal each of $US500 to save for anything other than transport, accommodation, main meals and entry tickets they want. They are all well on target and Miss 15 has blown that goal out of the water and has moved on to saving for her car. Did I mention we leave in 14 weeks! OMG so excitement plus.

Teaching kids to dream, set goals and put plans in motion teaches them that they can do pretty much whatever they want in life WHEN they put in the hard work required and do the mind (mental) work required. We have this picture on the back of the toilet door:

Kids absorb far more than you realise. They are little sponges. Dan sees this every time he goes to the toilet. At footy training this week he quoted it back to me in the middle of an every day conversation. Don’t underestimate what a child with a dream can achieve when they are given the tools to set .an
d make plans.

Top tips on getting kids started on dreaming and setting goals:
1. Have them come up with something they would like to do.
2. Help them set goals/steps of how they’re going to get there.
3. Encourage them to get started actually DOING the steps required.
4. Place positive affirmations reinforcing their dream and their ability to achieve it around the house (Toilet door is perfect, captivated audience there).
4. Celebrate successes. And if they fall short, teach them to reflect on what went wrong, adjust goals and start DOING again.
5. Have them do a vision board..that’s another topic but is awesome. Have you got one? If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it! Just sayin…

This is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids, but also ourselves.

This isn’t just for teens, it’s for kindergarten right through primary school too.

Have you forgotten your dreams? Lead by example.

If you haven’t joined our Facebook Group then please do so and you can follow our families journey for the family trip of a lifetime HERE

I”m playing with changing our name to: Parenting Australia or Parenting with Mentor Mumma. Which do you prefer?

Love
Mentor Mumma
aka Jo

22/01/2017

Bully proof your kids…

Here’s Ten tips to help bully proof our kids.
Unfortunately, bullies and bitches still exist in the playgrounds (and real life).
They’re a fact of life.
So rather than pretend it’ll never happen to our kids we need to prepare them on how to deal with those who would treat them badly, harass or even hurt them.
We need to teach our kids it’s okay to ‘dob’, it’s important to tell mum (or Dad). We need to encourage conversation (There’s a saying that goes along the lines of “Listen to all their stories so when they’re older they’ll tell you the important stuff because to them it was all important”).

Here’s some tips to help your kid/s navigate bullies and bitches:

1. Teach your kids NOT to be a victim. Bullying says everything about the bully and nothing about the person being bullied. Teach them that them being bullied is about the bully having issues, and is not their fault.

2. Teach them to have the confidence to speak to the bully if they feel safe enough to. Often times calling out a bully and their behaviour is enough to stop it. Making the bully accountable for their actions and words helps. Teach them to speak up, to seek help and call the bully out for their horrid behaviour.

3. Remove the reaction. Bullies thrive on reactions, fear and intimidation. If you can teach your child not to react, not to enter into bully banter, not reply to any communication from the bully then the bully has already begun to lose ground. This is especially so for social media. Teach your kids to block bullies on all forms so they can’t message your child.

4. If bullying moves to physical abuse or sharing photos of your child/teen online then it’s time to involve the authorities. Teach kids about the difference between teasing, harassing, bullying and criminal activity. If it’s happening at school that should be your first port of call but if there’s no resolution there then contacting the local police is paramount.

5. Being bullied is extremely stressful. Teach your child de-stressing techniques such as meditation, journalling, deep breathing etc.

6. Most importantly listen to your child. Hear their fears and equip them with the right arsenal to counter bullies and bitches. For some it might involve learning self defense, for others it might be about teaching them to speak up and to the offender, for others it might involve changing classes.. every situation is different. Whatever you do don’t ignore it and hope it will go away, be proactive and teach your kids to do the same.

7. If the parent of the bully is known to you you can try talking to the parent. Usually best if on neutral territory with a third party if you think there’ll be denial or issues. We all want to believe our kids are the best in the world and at times finding out our child is causing others pain can be hard to comprehend and process. ALWAYS verify facts first. This is crucial. Kids lie. Even mine. Even yours. Verify facts first.

8. Instill confidence, a good sense of self and positive body language such as posture and eye contact.

9. Have mock rehearsals where you let your child practice things they’ll say or do to defend themselves and practice various interactions, role play outcomes.

10. Let your child know they are not alone. This is not normal and they do not have to put up with it. EVER!

What do you do when YOUR child is the bully/mean child?

There is a great article here by Linda Stade: HERE

To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Here’s to a great year for everyone in 2017.

Have you joined our Facebook group yet with like minded parents? Come on over we’d love to have you: JOIN HERE

Love

Mentor Mumma
aka Jo