Posted on Leave a comment

Bad Moms Vs Real Mums


 Bad Moms – the reality of Motherhood, not bad Moms. The title sucks, the movie rocks.

Without giving spoilers the premise of the movie is DO LESS as a Mum to ease the burden on yourself, and in the process raise amazingly responsible and independent human beings who are loved beyond measure.  And isn’t that the goal of a great parent – growing responsible, independent and kind humans.

I  don’t like the title of this movie. Sadly, there ARE bad mums in the world and in Australia they are the Mums (and Dads) who make up the cause of the 320,000 notifications of child abuse in Australia each year! These are the parents who do not do right by their kids. The rest of us are just day by day, hour by hour doing our best, winging it, hitting goals more than we strike out (which we do a fair bit of too).

I would hate to see the movie breed the notion of real mums as bad mums! 

Bad Mums:

  • Physically harm their children
  • Deprive their children of love and affection
  • Put others before their kids, usually a new boyfriend or girlfriend
  • Starve their children or feed them crap (no nutrition therefore little brain and body growth)
  • Leave them in the care of other unfit humans or leave them unattended at young ages
  • Allow people into their children’s lives who abuse them – physically, emotionally and sexually
  • Scream obscenities at them
  • Allow their kids to get away with disrespectful things and then blame the authorities
  • Don’t encourage, set expectations or mentor their children in anything positive
  • You get the picture.

Real Mums:

  • Protect their kids but teach them to stand up for themselves (resilience training)
  • Provide for their kids (But have them do their bit too)
  • Support their kids (and expect support in return)
  • Feed their kids nutritional meals (and occasionally cereal for dinner, maccas and pizza!)
  • Give their kids consequences for crappy behaviour or actions
  • Set boundaries and expectations and teach a work ethic
  • Give their kids chores and age appropriate responsibilities to foster independence
  • Lose their shit and need time out … occasionally
  • Have support squads they can reach out to for those times
  • Swear! Often under their breath…. occasionally (or more often depending on the hormone level of those in the house that week!)
  • Invest in their kids education and extra-curricular activities
  • May or may not volunteer at school, may or may not work outside the home 
  • Are not perfect, don’t pretend to be, nor are our kids but their kids are loved

Let’s not idolise bad Mums. Bad Mums need guidance and mentoring but rarely accept it or acknowledge the need. Bad Mums make up a great percentage of the 320,000 notifications of child abusers in Australia each year.

Real Mums on the other hand are just that, real mums doing the best they can for their kids, losing their shit occasionally and raising healthy, relatively well adjusted responsible and independent kind humans while enjoying girl’s nights out, time out, wine on occasion and a sleep in every so often.

I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t seen the movie but one of my favourite scenes is between Amy and her son,  around who makes breakfast and why. Just perfect.

Highly recommend the movie. Here’s to all the Amy’s out there – doing our best, scoring more goals than we do misses,  but when we do strike out sucking it up, venting to our support squad and moving on because our kids are loved, supported, protected and provided for and are genuinely good people (even with us as their mums!).

You are doing a great job, keep that up xo Next week’s article will be on HOW to do less as a parent and have a happier home :) 
Please share this article around with your friends.

Posted on 2 Comments

Self Love


“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
Maxwell Maltz

What you believe and what you say to yourself has a tremendous impact on what happens to you and what kind of life you’ll lead. You are the creator of your own destiny. You write the script of your life with every thought. The more self-worth and love you have for yourself, the more prosperity and success you will achieve. Dr John Demartini

Years ago it was considered a bad thing to love yourself. If you thought highly of yourself, you were ‘up yourself’. I”m sure that’s still used at times. The reality is, those with healthy self esteems are the ones who succeed in life.  I’m not talking about self centredness and arrogance, I’m talking about genuine self care and love. The trait that helps you respect yourself (and others), the deep seated knowledge that you are worthy of the best in life. The knowing that you are to be honoured (and to honour others). Imagine the world we’d live in.

Sure some successful people are utter dicks, but so are a lot of unsuccessful people – that’s just a genetic weak link some have! 
In an age where selfies are taking over the world and ‘we’ are becoming the centres of our universe, teen suicides are up, depression and anxiety levels are through the roof and true self love has become almost non extinct and its place a self centredness based on fears, insecurities and many layers of issues.
I’m talking about the kind of self-love where you think highly of yourself, where you love and respect yourself, and others. The kind of self love that promotes your own self confidence and self esteem.

We live in a society where people change who they are daily, and where editors change what people look like so as to deceive the population. A media that says what others think about you is very important. STOP!!! Nope!!!! What others think of you is none of your business, and the sooner you realise this the happier you will be.  Unless you’re being a dick, in which case, stop that shiz! What people’s perceptions of you are, are them judging you from their own perspectives and agendas. Seeing you through their eyes. Their perception and their expectations. Learn to truly not care what other people think of you. Because most of the time they’re not thinking about you at all, it’s your own insecurities and fears. Love yourself then what other people think and do no longer matters. And when you reach that place in your life (and it takes some people decades), when you do get to that place you will be liberated. You’ll be free to be who YOU want to be. Life’s too short to be anything else.

Know that you are worthy of great love, great achievements and a great life. You are. Forgive yourself of past mistakes and move on. You are worthy of love, your own. Be your own best friend. Learn to love your own company. You’re amazing to be around, you really are. What you think about you become. If you think you are worthy and important, you will become worthy and important, if you think you are worthless then in your eyes you become so and that’s what you project out into the world. See yourself as amazing human being with much to offer the world and you become an amazing human being changing the world for the better. And then teach these amazing life skills to your kids and their friends.

If you can’t get your head around the concept try these tips:
1. Stick a sign to your mirror that says “I love you”. And repeat it to yourself, looking yourself in the eye, every morning and night. This is not easy for some people.
2. Find an affirmation or two that says something like “I am grateful I am *insert 1 or two of your strengths* such as friendly, polite, intelligent, a good reader, resourceful, artistic, whatever your ‘thing’ is.

Get your kids to do the same. Help them find their strengths, and to focus on those. Help them identify their weaknesses and know that it’s okay to be bad at some things, we acknowledge them and move on to working on our strengths even more. Praise them more than you criticise but teach them to take constructive criticism as well as praise. Accepting praise doesn’t come easy.. role model saying thank you when someone praises or compliments and own it.

Practise self-love and self care, you’re worth it. 

Join other like minded parents on the Facebook group Mentor Mumma’s Parent Meeting Place where we share the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent, the struggles, the successes, tips, tricks, helps and what not on this journey to mentor responsible, independent amazing human beings (our kids, and their friends).

Have you signed up for our monthly newsletter and your FREE welcome book? If not go to the home page and do that now. 

Jo xo

Jodie-Anne Harlow (Bachelor Psychological Science (Honours)).