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You got this! Chin up and win at life xo

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​I had a whole other blog in mind for today but one thing I am learning is that what I want Mentor Mumma to be and say isn’t what it’s about, it’s about listening to YOU and providing you guys what you need – whether you’re 13, 18, 23, 38 or 97. And what I”m hearing this week is many of you are struggling. The upside in that is that you are not alone. Far from it. Many are going through a whole world of various pains and issues.  Did you notice, ‘going through’ which means it’s not a place to set up camp, it’s a temporary transition. It really is, I promise you.

This too will be a memory at some stage. For the most part IF you learn through the lesson and move on through it (grief is different).  Some times it takes a loooong time to work out the lesson but often times it’s clear if you step back OR ask a trusted friend what they think the lesson is. And having that support network around you is vital. Have great friends and be a great friend.

I’m in the midst of moving house for the 21st time in my life and 9th time in my kids lives and I am really really REALLY over it. But I have to TRUST that God, the Universe, Source (whatever you choose to call ‘it’) has a plan, has something better in store for the kids and I. Sure there’ll be temporary pain as we pack and move and eagerly look for how the money will come to make it all happen but at the end of the day it will all happen as a matter of process and the means will come and we’ll all live happily ever after (but not before I probably whinge another 57 times and stress a bit.. that’s life)! 

So whatever it is that YOU and yours are going through at the moment don’t stop. Don’t set up camp. Chin up and power on. You got this and you are NOT alone. Sometimes all we need is a mental mindshift. Something to jolt us out of our hypnotised depression, doldrums and depleted hope.

If you feel like you need to change things permanently in your life then check out our ebook Hat Trick Therapy: 3 ways to change your life at  http://www.beyond-school.com.au/shop.html   Sometimes one good resource is all it takes to put our lives on a new path. My favourite quote from the book:
 By living mindfully and making conscious choices about what you say, what you think and what you put into your mind
will change your life, guaranteed! 

Want a bit of a motivational kick in the butt right now? Check this video out, I love it.. give it the full 4 minutes.. you’ll be glad you did. I always am.  For me anytime I’m feeling crap I get stuck into listening to some motivational youtube vids. .. they really do help.

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G3e06N4qSs 

My favourite line from the above video: “And you grew up good and wonderful… then the time came for you to be your own person then somewhere along the line you stopped being you…. and when things got hard you started looking for things to blame, like a big shadow. .. The world ain’t all rainbows and sunshine… it’s not about hard you get hit but about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, that’s how WINNING is done. Pain is temporary.” 

Keep moving forward my friends. Look for the lesson, learn from it, take action and change your future today. It’s all up to you.. that’s both exciting and scary but totally filled with hope. You got this, because you and yours are worth it.

Until Sunday night, have a great week, chin up.. you’ve got this! You’ve survived all the other crappy days and you will survive this and THRIVE! 

If you know someone this can help, CLICK the TITLE of the blog and share on your chosen social media xo

Jo
Mentor Mumma
​xo
Check us out on Snapchat/Instagram/Facebook and Pinterest – and please say hi I love hearing from you all xo

Jodie-Anne Harlow (Bachelor Psychological Science (Honours) and mum of 3 + 1.


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#MentorParenting .. What is Mentor Parenting?

 Mentor Parenting is about mentoring our children and those the universe sends our way. There are a lot of teens in the world let down by those who gave birth to them. Sometimes due to abuse, other times due to personality clashes and most often because the parents themselves have not had the guidance and role modelling to be able to mentor themselves. If those with the skills to mentor can pass them on, we begin to change a generation and in doing so change our society, for the better. Who’s on board? I know I am.

Let’s just put it all on the table from the get go. Parenting is hard! From those first nappies to their first tantrums through to the teen years when the real fun begins. It’s not easy! Far from it. HOWEVER, with some keys it can be a whole lot easier and more rewarding. 

The foundations ideally should be laid when your kids are toddlers and built upon, but if you’re new to this and your kids are in their teens, there is hope! And we’re all here to support you, have your back and guide you. If you yourself did not have a mentor style parent/s then you are in the right place. We are all here to help you, educate you and have your back. 

Mentor Parenting is the concept that as parents we are our children’s mentors. We are not their friends (that comes later in life once they’ve left home and are in their 20s). We are not their school principals (Someone to be feared and who yells directions). We are their mentors. Our kid’s Life Coaches. We show the way. We give boundaries but most importantly we highlight our kids strengths, encourage them and help them develop those strengths through fostering independence and responsibilty. 

Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.      Plato

The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves. Steven Spielberg

It’s about showing our kids the way they should go, and if you yourself don’t know something then together research, read, study and learn how to. What a great way to bond. And that’s another main point, as parents, we don’t have to have ALL the answers. Sure we have quite a few, but what we do have is the ability to find the answers, find direction, find mentors for areas we lack. For example, I am not an entrepreneur, therefore I will show my kids successful entrepreneur’s videos or other successful business people’s blogs and keynotes and vlogs etc. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Thank goodness for that.

#Mentorparenting is about being there for our kids, every, single, time! We always have their backs. But we also make them accountable. We raise them to be independent (see yesterday’s blog and video). We raise them to ask the right questions and question everything. We raise them to know and appreciate they have strengths and weaknesses. We raise them to focus on their strengths and build on those because that is often where their passion and purpose will be. We raise them to be successful (however they define that. For some it will be making millions, for some it will be making $100k a year, for some it will be to make $40k a year and be able to travel the world as they see fit, for some it will be helping build homeless shelters in other countries.. the list is endless, and so is their potential).

#Mentorparenting – show them the way, educate them in the things that matter and have their back 100% of the time. Be their biggest fans. And for the kids whose parents don’t get it, be there for those kids too. Join the revolution #mentorparenting.

I take mentoring very seriously and I am on the board of an organization called Girls Write Now, where we match teen girls and writing mentors because it changes their lives. Tayari Jones

The best way a mentor can prepare another leader is to expose him or her to other great people.   John C. Maxwell

Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.     John C. Crosby

More than mere teachers, mentors are often emancipators, freeing artists from poor technique, clouded vision and personal uncertainty.      Paul Soderberg

#MentorParenting.. it wont’ be easy but it sure will be worth it. Join the #mentorparenting revolution.

​I love your comments, thank you for giving back in this way xo

WOULD LOVE IT if you would share our blog….. you can do that by clicking the Title of this blog post, and it will bring up the social media sharing buttons  (apparently this is the only way weebly can make this happen!)

​Jo xo

Jodie-Anne Harlow (B. Psych. Sc (Hons) ) and Mum of 3

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The Power of Words + Freebie

We’ve all heard the saying the power of life and death is in the tongue, and the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue, and any other numbers of cliche quotes about the power of words in our lives.

Thing is there is so much truth in it. So be VERY careful with your words. If you are speaking out negative things don’t be shocked when negative things come back! 

This is constantly illustrated to me, however on Friday afternoon I drove slowly (thanks Friday arvo peak hour traffic at a roundabout!) past a fender bender (car rear ending another). The front car had little damage but the car behind was pretty dented up and the owner was trying to pull his front guard out of the engine! His registration plate said “Coping”! What a ridiculous thing to put out into the universe. I was just contemplating that when an absolutely beautiful silver convertible Mercedes pulled just ahead of me with the registration plate of “Mr Bull”. I assume (rightly or wrongly) it referred to the Bull Market (share prices rising).  One person was putting out into the ether that they were just coping, another was putting out that life was good (and he was making money). Guess what they both attracted into their lives? What they were putting out! (Obviously in that two minutes a lot more could be going on but you get the point).

Same is often seen with kids. You see parents tell their kids they’re no good, they’re useless, and are shocked when their poor defeated before they even begin kids struggle. Meanwhile kids who are encouraged, helped to identify their strengths and praised flourish.

Japanese author/scientist Mr Emoto conducted a water experiment which you can replicate yourself at home. Over various studies he took two tubs of water. To one he spoke or wrote positive affirming messages of love and gratitude. To  the other negative degrading words of hate. He placed the jugs in the freezer and when he pulled them out found the negative jug was cracked, broken and shattered. The positive jug was filled with beautiful crystal patterns. Words matter.

This week’s challenge is to watch how you speak and correct it. If you’re looking for work, repeating the phrase I can’t find a job, just makes it a self fulfilling prophecy.  Try positive affirmations. If during the holidays you find yourself getting frustrated with your kids try changing your words, and helping them to change theirs. Your lives will change for the better.

One we place on our toilet door for all to see is: I am loved. I am supported. I am protected. I am provided for.

For job hunting “I find full time paid work in my industry quickly and easily”.

For finances “I always have plenty” – “My purse is jammed full of money” etc etc there are so many.

If you need help doing some family affirmations I”d love to help (comment here or send an email to mentormumma@optusnet.com.au or message on instagram or facebook .. love getting your messages).

In my ebook Hat Trick Therapy I talk more about the power of words and the power of thoughts – they really do have the power to change your world for the better.  

If You sign up for the mentormumma email on the www.mentormumma.com home page,  this weekend

​you’ll receive a FREE copy of Hat Trick Therapy: 3 ways to change your life, forever.

Have a great holidays for those on school holidays and speak nicely to your kids, yourself and into the ether.. and watch the world change for you, for the better xo

Spread the word.. click this blog’s title and share with your friends… the worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrld.

Jo
xo

(Jodie-Anne Harlow Bachelor Psychological Science Honours and Mum of 3 + 1).

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Oops, Quick come back.. I f*d up!

So, Hi, my name’s Jo and I’m technically challenged. In my excitement of setting up my website seems I totally stuffed up the area where I gift you the two FREE ebooks. One for parents and one for teens! HOWEVER, thanks to the awesome amazing Tammy at Fiverr she has set it up now so that it’s super easy for you to get your copies. Just come back to our home page at http://www.mentormumma.com/  and enter your email so our amazingly beautiful new system can send you the FREE ebooks yayy.

Now, as you saw on instagram and Facebook I’m off to clean up some minor flooding in my bedroom and downstairs of the house. Flash flooding and downpours are not suited to this house it seems 🙁 Thankfully we learnt from last time, nothing was damaged.. except my leg and a cut arm and every towel we have being soaking wet. First world problems.

Have an amazing week and I”ll see you on Wednesday for our next blog together.

Jo
​The wet Mentor Mumma

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Mentor Parenting – Responsibility and Independence

Let’s get straight to it today. Raising independent kids leads to raising independent teens, leads to having raised independent adults. I am astounded how many parents continue to do everything for their kids then when the kids hit 14 or 15 the parents are amazed their teens won’t and often can’t do things for themselves! Well, derrrr.

Giving kids responsibility is the first step in building confidence and independence into their lives.

Sometimes you have to let a person go so they can grow. Because, over the course of their lives, it is not what you do for them, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them a successful human being.     Marc Chernoff

In our home we have a rule, the day you start school (In Queensland that’s prep, aged 5) you start making your own lunches! Yes, some of you are shocked… If you want independent and successful kids, you have to give them responsibility from the get go. If your’e old enough to go to school and eat lunch then you’re old enough to know what you want to eat and how to make it. 

That doesn’t mean on day 1 you just leave them to it. It means you slowly teach them WHAT to pack and HOW. So that within a week or two they get the gist of it and can do it themselves with you watching over them. After a few weeks they’ll be doing it before you’re out of bed! The same goes for breakfasts. Any five year old should be able to make their own toast, put topping on it or pour their own cereal and milk. This may mean you take a share from the 3L milk container and put it into a bottle that’s easier managed for them but see the point, you are setting them up to be independent.  It becomes the standard and the expectation.

Giving responsibility and teaching independence really should happen from a young age, as soon as they’re walking confidently they can take part in putting away toys and leaving ‘their’ space tidy (or whatever is important in your home). If you’ve not set the foundation work don’t worry, it’s not too late. As kids get older even as teens NOW Is the time to start teaching them HOW TO’s and then leaving them to it. If they won’t then the consequence is they don’t have lunch or they don’t *insert whatever the consequence for the non-achieved activity* is. 

Consequences are seen as a bad thing, however they are neutral. They can be good, they can be bad, depending on the input. If a teen makes their own lunch, they eat. Good consequence. If a teen refuses to make their own lunch, they don’t eat. Bad consequence. Letting go of control is hard for some parents but it’s a must do.

We are not raising mini us, we are raising independent, responsible, respectful, amazing and successful humans. Our job is to give them the tools to do this. If you’re not already doing this then how about this week pick one thing you can teach your child/ren that will lighten your load, increase their independence and help them take more responsibility for themselves. Remember we don’t expect them to know how to do it immediately, and that’s the mentoring part.. you teach and mentor them to the point they can do it on their own.

#MentorParenting .. join the revolution of raising independent, responsible people.

​Jo xo

Jodie-Anne Harlow (B. Psych. Sc (Hons) ) and Mum of 3

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Thank you

Thank you. Two little words that can change a mood, a life, the world. If there were more thank yous, the genuine kind, the world would be a different place. Gratitude is the art of being thankful, being grateful. When we teach kids to say thank you, sure we’re teaching them societal life skills, however we are scratching the surface of teaching them something deeper, something long lasting, something life changing. We are teaching them to find things to be grateful for. (Yeah I prefer the word grateful over thankful so I”m going to keep using it because you get the point. Grateful is the art of being thankful, consistently). 

When kids are little we remind them to say thank you (and please) regularly so that as they get older are able to say it for themselves and recognise when they should be thankful. Getting a lolly bag at a party, be thankful, someone gifts you something, be thankful, mum cooks you dinner, be thankful. As they get into their teens we want to see them looking for things to be thankful and grateful for. We want them to change their perspective. Looking for and recognising things to be grateful for is a great step in avoiding the moodiness of the teen years.

One of the simple things we as a family have done since I think about my oldest was 7 was ‘Gratitude’ at dinner. As we’re eating we take turns with each person, even the youngest who was 2 or 3 at the time, saying three things they were grateful for during the day. No, they can’t use the same ones each night. No, they can’t copy someone elses. No they can’t say this dinner or my family. Get them thinking outside the family unit, get them thinking of things to be grateful for and in no time they will be looking for things to be grateful for.

Try it for a month and you’ll be amazed, and will want to keep doing it. Persist. At the start there might be ‘I don’t wanna” “This is stupid” I’m not doing it” ..but keep going, persist, make it a part of dinner every night for a month. Do that and I guarantee you’ll see positive changes.

I have a gratitude journal that I keep that every night before bed I quickly write 3-5 things I”m grateful for during the day. Short, sharp and succinct that send me to bed grateful. Do you know how that changes your dreams, your subconscious? A LOT!

#MentorParenting is about showing the way for our kids so they can have a better future, more creative amazing lives. It’s not about doing everything for them, in fact it’s very much the opposite. This month, be grateful as a family and watch your world change. I’m always here via facebook or instagram or email: mentormumma@optusnet.com.au if you need some advice, tips or want to share a success story. 

I love your comments, thank you for giving back in this way xo. Feel free to share this blog with other parents you think might enjoy it or get something out of it. We’ve got this, together. 

Jo xo

Jodie-Anne Harlow (B. Psych. Sc (Hons) ) and Mum of 3

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MENTOR MUMMA BLOG…………………………..  NOW TWICE WEEKLY

Hi guys,

After much thought I”ve decided that Sunday nights and Wednesday mornings will be Mentor Mumma blog releases. So come back every Sunday afternoon and Wednesday morning Aussie time for your latest blog full of advice, tips, tricks, helps, hacks and whatnot (lots of whatnot!).

Jo

​Jodie-Anne Harlow (Bachelor Psychological Science (Honours) ) and mum of 3 + 1 

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Welcome. Will you join the revolution?  #mentorparenting? 

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OMG it’s so great to have you here. Are you ready to make some really simple changes that will put you and your teen or preteen on the same page? (Yes on the same planet!).

I’ve got a dream (that sounded far too much like “I HAVE A DREAM” in my head, sorry about that… )  to see parents empowered to raise respectful, responsible, ground breaking, independent, questioning teens who change the world. Teens who find their purpose and chase their dreams – and so do their parents (that’s you..chasing YOUR dreams and passions too!).

I initially set out to target teens and help them with practical help, and I”m still aiming to do that. First book is almost ready (Yep excitement plus at this end let me tell you!). But then I was shown (by my very helpful 13 (next month) and 14 year olds the youtubers of today… teens and young adults in their early 20s who have MILLIONS of followers. As I watched their antics I realised the gap between me and them is bigger than the grand canyon through diving goggles!

I took a drive up a mountain (Mt Glorious..and it truly was glorious) and had an epiphany, a revelation .. aka a smack in the face. Empowering teen starts with empowering their parents – while they’re parenting pre-teens, while they’re parenting teens and while they’re parenting young adults. We, the parents, are the ones who google this kind of thing, we the parents are the ones who seek out books and self help guides on all the right things to do for our darlings before we throw them out of the nest mother bird style…..oops I mean before we lovingly encourage them to take flight and succeed in life.

And that’s the clincher really isn’t it. As parents all we want for our kids is to see them happy, succeeding and chasing after THEIR dreams and passions = success.

This is where I introduce the concept of MENTOR PARENTING. Mentoring our own kids to be the kinds of adults we want changing the world for the better. Being the role models and mentors our kids need, but also the kid down the road whose parents just don’t get it, who just don’t show up. Being there for our teens (preteens and young adults too) and being there for other teens when they need us.

Who’s with me in #mentorparenting ?


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Loving yourself, is KEY to success.

Some people think loving yourself is an insult. Successful people know that loving yourself is key to a successful life. When you learn to like and love yourself, you create room to love others.
What others think of you is none of your business, and the sooner you realise this the happier you will be. Unless you’re being a dick, which I know you’re not! What people’s perceptions of you are, are them judging you from their own perspectives and agendas. Seeing you through their eyes. Their perception and their expectations. Learn to truly not care what other people think of you. Because most of the time they’re not thinking about you at all, it’s your own insecurities and fears. Love yourself and what other people think and do no longer matters. And in that is great freedom.
Know that you are worthy of great love, great achievements and a great life. You are. There are no questions. Forgive yourself of past mistakes and move on. You are worthy of love, your own. Be your own best friend. Learn to love your own company. You’re amazing to be around, you really are.
If there are people in your life who bring you down who make you feel like a lesser person then it’s time for you to distance yourself from them or set tougher boundaries. It’s so true that we teach people how to treat us. Teach them to treat you with respect.
Life is a series of choices and consequences. Make good choices. Enjoy the freedom. Enjoy the success.
If you enjoyed this show me some love so others can see it too. Let’s start a revolution that says be kind to yourself, love yourself, teach people how to treat you right. #Beyondschool #freedom #success