Mentor Mumma

17/06/2018

Why my 9 year old does his own laundry: Kid’s chores

My 9 year old does his own laundry, because …. he can!

He CAN carry his washing basket to the washing machine.

He CAN put the washing in, turn it on and put the detergent in (because I taught him).

He CAN take it out of the machine.

He CAN reach the clothes line.

He CAN use pegs (most boys learn this at age 5 when they put pegs on their lips, eye brows and ears!).

He CAN get the clothes in when dry.

He CAN take them to his room.

He CAN put them in their right drawers.

 

Now, just because we can do something doesn’t always mean we should, but in this case, if he CAN he should.

He SHOULD learn life skills that instil independence.

He SHOULD learn the value of his clothing by taking care of them including washing them.

He SHOULD learn work life play balance by scheduling in ‘boring’ chores in his week.

He SHOULD see mum as someone other than his maid.

He SHOULD carry his age appropriate share in the household lest he grow up with a sense of entitlement.

He SHOULD have responsibilities that directly affect and benefit him.

 

I work 38 hours a week plus. I take care of the shopping, mum taxi (omg sooo many hours clocked up as mum taxi), running the household, most of the cooking (he also cooks one night a week as do his sisters, but that’s another story) etc etc etc.

He goes to school for 30 hours a week. Spends 4 hours a week in after school curricular activities (all sport focused because that’s how he rolls) and spends most of the rest of the time playing (trampoline, xboxing, getting fit (he’s obsessed at the moment), practising magic, watching WWE, watching the NRL, watching America’s Got Talent, Running, hanging out with mates etc etc etc – therefore half an hour for putting the washing on, getting it in and putting it away leaves ample time for all the ‘kid’ stuff.

His footy team have a parent roster where on a rotational basis the families take responsibility ever 12 or 13 weeks for providing the fruit for half time and washing the jerseys. For the past two years Mr 9 has been responsible for collecting the jerseys from the coach at the end of the game, responsible for washing the jerseys, hanging them out, folding them up (still perfecting that but we go for progress, not perfection) and putting them in the jersey bag and returning to the coach. Why, because he can. Because it’s his team. Because HE plays footy not me (I pay registration, I pay for the new boots, the new shorts, the shocks, the mouth guard, the headgear, the chest pads, and I”m the mum taxi and biggest fan/cheerer). This teaches him to contribute outside himself. This teaches him to give back. It teaches him it’s awesome to have fun, but works often goes into fun. Ultimately it’s my hope that this teaches him gratitude for what others do for him.

And if he wants to earn pocket money the Bank of Mum pays $5 for a load of towels, $5 for a load of my washing amongst other chores he and his siblings can choose to do for spending money for holidays, events, going out, or saving.

That’s why my 9 year old does his own laundry.

Have an awesome week and stay warm.

Two weeks until holidays for we Queenslanders’ – hoping for snow within driving distance for ours. 

Love,

Jo.

07/01/2018

Reflections ….. aka It’s my birthday

One life- many lives lived

Reflections usually happen around the start of the year which also coincides with my birthday – good timing! This year I’ve been focusing on what I want to be when I ‘grow up’.  Contrary to what our kids and teens think, most of us adults are just winging it, and the decisions we make as seniors in high school rarely see us in the ‘career/job’ we thought we’d be in 30 years later. It’s important to keep reiterating this to your senior schoolers – it helps take the stress out of things that your decisions now, are it! They’re not. We get so many goes at creating our own lives and we get so many lives within our one life. As part of my work in the Aged Care Industry one thing that is common in across all conversations with 80 and 90 year olds is that we have so many different lives within our one life.

Choices + Consequences = Creation

The good news is if you make bad choices in one part of your life, that doesn’t have to reflect in your next chapter. We get to decide. We get to make choices that change our ‘destinies’ and we get to create our own lives. Another amazing thing to teach our kids. Our choices, lead to consequences that create our life = awesome. One of my favourite sayings goes something like this “If you’re not happy where your life is, get up and change it. You’re not a tree!”. One bad choice may result in some pretty bad consequences but that doesn’t define who you are or who your teen is. Next choice can be better, and so on and so on. Same goes for us and our budgets.. just saying ๐Ÿ™‚

Goal Set – Vision Setting

But just like anything in life once you’ve made the choice to go in another direction, start a new career, start budgeting better, plan a holiday or whatever your new dream is you need to set yourself achievable and measurable goals. Teach your kids how to set goals. Maybe do some as a family this week before school goes back. Talk about what making the choice to achieve a particular goal will look like in the form of the consequences .. short and long term. And as always I promote doing vision boards. A page with pictures of your dreams on them… then setting your goals, mini and mega, on how you’re going to get there. Eg. Family holiday that will cost $10,000 in 18 months. Well that’s X amount per week we need to save, so in order to do that we will cut x from the budget, declutter our home together then hold a garage sale or Ebay to get rid of it and bring some extra cash into the home (or find extra work, or take on extra clients or shifts, or teens getting jobs or or or the possibilities are endless). Your life, your choices, your consequences remember ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Happy birthday to me – what next

Since I was little I’ve wanted to be a writer. I still do. That hasn’t changed at all. So I write where I can. I get paid to write reports after my assessments. But ultimately my absolute passion is in researching and writing articles, ebooks and books that improve other people’s lives (usually because it improved mine first through learning the hard way). So with that in mind I’m still writing my blogs, I’m still promoting my book Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens and beginning my next one “How to raise independent, responsible and resilient humans’ (or something like that… haven’t got the exact title yet), and have another venture or two up my sleeve that I won’t jinx by talking about it before it happens. Stay tuned…..

It’s still the first week of January.. first week of the new year.. a clean slate still before us..  what choices will you and yours make this year that require goals to bring about the desired consequences that create the lives you want? Go for it.. you’re all worth it and what a great thing to role model to your kids and teens.

If you haven’t joined our Facebook private group, come on over HERE 

The kids spoilt me as always for my birthday… all with their own money and minds. Miss 15 got me a massage voucher, Miss 14 a spa pedicure voucher, and Mr 9 a scented candle with diamonte heart band, and Choccies.  We went to the movies to see Pitch Perfect 3 and then Chinese Banquet dinner nom nom nom. Have felt the love with all the texts, calls, and posts xo xo xo  I’m 35..with a ‘few’ years experience ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you for the love, I’ve definitely felt it.

 

 

Love 

Jo

 

29/12/2017

Mindful Parenting for 2018…

This photo was taken almost 40 years ago!  And when looking for a suitable photo for today’s blog on Mindful Parenting I came across it and thought it illustrates perfectly what I want to say today. The older child, is me.. almost 40 years ago! When I turned 21 my Dad said from now on you’ll find time goes so much faster. He was right. This parenting caper we think will never end when they’re toddlers and primary school kids, goes at lightning speed once they hit the teen years. For my parents they don’t just wonder where the 18 years of our childhoods went, but where that last 40 years went! And as our own kids near their teen years or enter them we begin to think have I taught them all they need to know, there’s still so much more they need to learn for the real world, have I prepared them enough.

 

In Australia we have 25% of our population living in poverty! (Oh wow this blog took a hard core turn! Did not see that coming!). The Poverty In Australia Report (2016) states that 17.4% of all children (under 18) were living in poverty in Australia in 2013-2014. For single parent homes that rose to 40%! And that was an increase from the 2003 to 2004 period! 

 

โ€œMore than 730,000 children live in poverty
(one child in six). In single-parent families,
four children in ten now live in poverty.
After 25 years of uninterrupted economic
growth, we can do better than this!โ€
David Morawetz, Australian Communities Foundation (Social Justice Fund)

One major way this stops and corrects itself is to break the cycle (you may have seen me use #breakthecycle a fair bit, it’s so close to my heart). And how do we do that?

It starts at home.  It starts with making different choices for ourselves and our kids. We can blame the education system all we like but the harsh truth is real life lessons should be learnt and taught at home. Sadly,  many adults do not know how to get themselves out of poverty or are unable to and therefore are unable to role model and teach this to their own kids. (Obviously I”m not talking about people with significant disabilities (mental or physical)).

HOW? – Mindful Parenting

Mindful parenting is the idea of raising your kids in a purposeful way. On top of all the extra curricular activities and being a ‘kid’, it’s about implementing things in the home that teach them life skills and more importantly money skills and strategies that will help them stay out of poverty.

What? Ten top mindful parenting tips to help your family #breakthecycle

  1. Teach them real life skills such as how to cook and make them responsible for planning, preparing, cooking and serving a  meal and cleaning up from it once a week (From 9 years onwards with lots of guidance and teaching from you to start with).
  2. Have them earn money from a young age and teach them the value of money. One of the things we do is when we go out for a day my kids buy their own lunches with money they’ve had to earn. This teaches them the value of hard work, the value of a dollar, the value of spending wisely, the value of saving so you can spend it in the future (and as they get older teaches them about saving so they can invest in the future). Find something for your family.
  3. Become financially literate. Teach your kids to budget. As they enter the teen years show them the household weekly and yearly budget and help them do the budget for the week/fortnight/month including the shopping list, shopping, paying the bills etc with your guidance. Help them set savings goals. As parents I highly recommend you read Scott Pape’s book “The Barefoot Investor”. I promise you will thank me.
  4. It will not kill your kids to do their own washing (after about age 9 – when they can reach the clothes line and washing machine). In fact it will teach them mum is not a maid, they are responsible for themselves, and a life skill. 
  5. Do your future son and/or daughter in laws and grand children a favour – teach your kids how to be great role models for their own future families with money, relationships, goal setting, dreaming, working hard and having purpose. For some of us we need to learn these skills ourselves. Education is not just 12 years it’s life long. Teach them to educate themselves – this is a vital life skill. Some kids don’t know how to research on line, show them, some kids don’t know how to get a book out of the library, show them….
  6. There are plenty of online financial courses you can do – everything from budgeting 101 to how to invest to make your money work for you. If you are Centrelink recipient with a little bit of income coming in from somewhere even cash in the hand jobs, the Benevolent Society has a great course which teaches you to budget, tips on savings and at the end of the 10 months the $500 they have had you save (which is surprisingly easy when shown how even though you think no way!) is matched by ANZ and you have $500 to spend on educational expenses.. well you spend your $500 and get $500 back!
  7. Mindful parent – it’s hard not to get lost in the busy-ness of everyday life with kids and teens, but a little planning at the start of the year can make all the difference. Think about the things you’d like your kids to learn this year and set about thinking of ways you can teach this to them. Just one example I hear so often is “the school holidays cost me a fortune!” well why not plan for next Christmas for the kids to be paying for their own outtings and fun by setting a boundary/purpose/goal that each child will try to earn X amount per month so by December 2018 school holidays they have enough to fund their own entertainment. This is obviously for kids over 9 (but many adaptions can be made for younger kids – perhaps they can fund their own treat at shopping etc), and there’s always room for parents to treat their kids to movies, bowling etc on top of what they pay for themselves. Find what works for you and yours around what you want to teach them. Another complaint I hear from parents of teens is the laziness issue – this is sometimes due to parents doing everything or most things for the teens. Just stop it and let them bare the consequences of their own actions or lack thereof. No one said parenting is easy in fact it’s 18 years of fun, laughter, love and adventures but also of guidance, role modelling, boundary setting, boundary relaxing, teaching, learning (them and us), advising and letting go so they can soar on their own.
  8. If you lack the information/tools/capacity to educate your kids in the ways of the real world and making money work for them, there are plenty of online resources to help. Libraries are full of books and magazines. Self education is possible – you don’t just owe it to your kids, but to yourself!
  9. When doing up the kids chore lists for the year, think about what it is you want each of them to learn. Not just the basic skill, but going above and beyond, taking pride in their work, the value of hard work and it paying off, being part of a family (we all live here we all help) etc. Our latest thing in this household is “Are you proud of the job you’ve just done?”. Especially with Master 9 and his sweeping skills. He has the ability to do a good job, he just often chooses not to do a job he’s proud of so for the past week or three when he finishes his chore I’ll ask him if he’s proud of his effort and the result? And I don’t ask in a condoning tone but a questioning one, getting him to evaluate himself. At the start, about nine times out of ten he’d say no and go back and redo it. He now does a better job and it’s only every so often he says no, most times he looks over his work, smiles and says yes. Of course if he says yes and I know he’s not and he’s done a crap job he gets to do it again AND another one and I tell him good try mate.
  10. Words – are extremely powerful in mindful parenting and in life. We become what we think and say we are. Help your kids and teens choose their words carefully. Redirect negative talk and thinking. Some of us might need to retrain ourselves in this regard. Regular routine dinner times with all the family are vital (this gets harder as teens start working outside the home but most nights can be sit down family meals with a bit of preparation and retraining the family, and while you’re all there this is where your mindful parenting comes into play – think about what you want to teach them for the week, weave it into conversations and teachable moments.

Your kids only get one childhood. it goes by so fast. My parents look at the above photo from almost 40 years ago and wonder where the years have gone, let alone the 18 or so we had as our childhoods. Parents, we’re all doing our best to make them memorable, but we also need to focus on making our kids childhoods and teen years purposeful and ready for real life so they can not just survive, but thrive. THIS is how we break the cycle, together.

Of course I can’t let the opportunity go without plugging my book “Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens” which may have some great information for parents too who perhaps had parents themselves who couldn’t pass a lot of real life skills and knowledge on to you. Sixteen chapters of guidance, advice and tips on succeeding in the real world. Only $10. If you know someone who’d benefit why not buy a copy and gift it to them, maybe even anonymously if you’re worried how they’ll react. TOGETHER we CAN break the cycle!

 

You may have also noticed a name change from Mentor Mumma to Parenting Australia. I felt the latter was more encompassing. If you haven’t joined our online group yet please do so HERE

Happy New Year. I have such a great feeling about 2018. Let’s make it fun and full of adventure for our kidlets and ourselves but most of all, let’s make it purposeful for them, and ourselves – we all deserve it. Together, we WILL break the cycle!

Love

Jo

03/12/2017

How to save money on Christmas or ‘Tis the season to be.. .freaking out about our budgets!

I didn’t know what to call this article, How to save money at Christmas or ‘Tis the season to be freaking out about our budgets! So I chose both!  For many Christmas is a decision on not what we want to get the kids for Christmas but what we can afford. Sadly for some they have it the other way around which sends them into the new year in debt.

So let’s share our top Christmas budget tips with each other so we can all enter 2018 debt free (or at least no new debt from Christmas 2017).

Top tips to bring in 2018 without a financial Christmas hangover: 

  1. Set your budget, know your budget, don’t spend more than you budgeted. And make a list of all the gifts you need to buy, fit them into the list and stick to your list.
  2. Start early (Bit late for that THIS year but after Christmas get saving for next year). Get the $2 coin bottle or Christmas account or buy your $5 gift card each week at shopping, or open a Christmas savings account or whatever your strategy is, happening stat.
  3. Make a choice RIGHT NOW that you won’t go into debt for Christmas. This changes your future. It changes what you role model to your kids and teens. It sets the standard to live within your means and this changes your financial future for the better.
  4.  Set a new trend in 2017 to show your children you value their futures and yours rather than instant gratification on things that will put you into debt or financially cripple you.

So with just 3 weeks to (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!) what do you do if times are tough. Improvise! 

Top tips for improvising when times are tough (AKA How to do Christmas on a budget):

  1. The calendar. This is my go to.. you buy a $2 calendar for each of the kids, and write in it future events that you WILL honour such as 1 on 1 kid dates, family movie outtings, concerts, whatever your family and kid’s things are. What this does is gives them experiences over ‘things’ and you don’t have to fork out prior to Christmas, but instead can budget throughout the year for events. Some do vouchers instead of the calendar and wrap individually in a gift box.
  2. Share the cost: Is there something expensive they’ve asked for that you really want to get them but just can’t afford? Then perhaps you can give them half or a quarter or third of the cost so they can choose to add their own money in or buy something less expensive. Eg this year a lot of teens are asking for iphone 6, 7’s and 8’s. The iphone 6 is around $600 give or take. You could put $250 into a box with a note saying toward your new phone if you choose one more than this price, or you can use this to purchase a new phone. Help them contribute to larger ticket items.
  3. Relatives: Ask your kids, even the teens, to write a Letter to Santa, that you can keep in your handbag and when rellies ask what can they get them you can pull out the list and let them choose one of the items from the list. This spreads the blessings and the burdens.
  4. Charity shops have some amazing bargains. I have noticed that more affluent areas have a lot better things so have a shopping day with friends in a richer suburb’s charity shops. The Gold Coast has some fantastic ones around Harbourtown.
  5.  Shop around. It really does pay to shop around and if you find it cheaper in one store mention it to the store closest to you, they may just match the price.
  6. Help your children re-evaluate what’s important at Christmas.
  7. Start new family traditions that don’t cost the earth.
  8. If you have a large extended family and it’s stressful buying for everyone, instigate a Secret Santa style gift giving for adults (or everyone) with an appropriate budget limit.
  9. It’s still not too late to sell off any unwanted things around the house on Ebay, Gumtree or in a garage sale to make some last minute money.
  10. Shop on Ebay and Gumtree! So many bargains to be had. 
  11. Are there other ways you can earn some last minute cash in the next fortnight? Babysitting so other parents can go shopping in peace? Working extra shifts at work? Taking on an extra client or two? Doing some pet sitting for people going on holidays  early? I overheard two working mums discussing how good it would be to be able to give someone a list and have them go shopping for you! (Not a bad side business idea for someone). What’s your thing? What can you do to earn a bit extra in the next fortnight?
  12. If looking for electronics check out EB games etc they do reburbished items at much cheaper prices.
  13. Check your Woolies, Coles and other rewards cards. You might be surprised to find you have enough to trade in points for some gift cards.
  14. DO NOT go to the shops without a list because impulse buying will send you broke quicker than a teen uses their data!
  15. Make Santa Sacks the ‘practical’ items bag including new pyjamas, school supplies like coloured pencils, specialised pens and pencils and colours, underwear, snacks.
  16. Do you have a friend or a friend with a teen who works at a shop that has items you want to buy? Ask to borrow them so you can get a 5% discount. It all adds up and friends help friends.
  17. Get creative with younger kids at Christmas time. Google is your friend for a whole heap of super cheap presents and ideas. I remember when Dan was 2 I was pretty broke that year so his main present was a large box filled with blown up balloons. He and the girls played with that for weeks after Christmas and a restock of balloons was about $2 until the novelty wore off.
  18. Shopping online can save you money – you only buy what you need and impulse buying isn’t as dangerous (for most of us, I know some of you are click happy but you can control that ๐Ÿ™‚ ).
  19. Make a list, check it twice. Who are you buying for? What are you going to get them or what budget do you have for them? Stick to your list and don’t detour, and you’ll be just fine. Sometimes combining gifts can save you money for example rather than buying your sisters family of four a $30 gift each why not a family gift for $100 – such as a trip to the local movies, outdoor cinemas, is there a drive in close by to send them to, family restaurant voucher, local sporting event, how about buy all their favourite snacks and make a hamper with instructions on a hike or picnic or whatever they’re in to ..maybe it’s a sports event.
  20. Think experiences more than ‘stuff and things’. The memory lasts longer.
  21. When shopping stick to your list only and make sure you don’t touch items – I was reading an article that said if you pick something up you are much more likely to buy it. Tell yourself the same mantra you’ve been yelling at your kids for years ‘Look, DON”T touch!”.
  22.  Shop earlier rather than later to avoid the crowds, the stress and overspending because ‘they’ve run out’ of whatever it is you’re looking for.

 

What would you add to the list? 

If you’re looking for a gift for teens then check out our $10 book Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens. You can pick up your copy HERE

So my top tips: Work out your budget and stick to it, make your list, don’t deviate from it and get creative. 

Happy Christmas shopping everyone. I’d love to hear your tips? and how you and your family do Christmas?

Love 

 

Jo

26/11/2017

Hang on.. school holidays are nearly here!

Tis the season… to batten down the hatches parents. School holidays are fast approaching, but first, the last two weeks of school need to be survived! We can do it. Hang on!

We all know what I”m talking about. That last two weeks of term. The tireds. The tanties. The “I just can’t be bothereds” and that’s just us let alone our kids.

You are not alone. Almost every parent of school kids is on the same journey.

5 tips to get you through the next fortnight:

  1. Pick your battles.

    This is the time of year to let a ‘tude or two slide, the time of year to cut your kid some slack, but not if they’re being disrespectful. It’s okay for them to lose their cool, but not at you. You are not a punching bag. Let them cool off in their own way – often hiding in their room or jumping on the trampoline for two hours! Let them know it’s okay to lose it occasionally, but not at others. Teach them how to handle the ‘meltdowns’ of life. They’ll need it as adults too!

  2. Don’t micro manage.

    This is the busy time of year. We’re in a hurry. Nothing sets teens, and primary school kids off more than having their every move controlled, planned, manouvered and checked. Give them some space. 

  3. Prioritise.

    You don’t have to do everything. There will be carols nights, fireworks nights, award ceremonies, concerts, mini concerts, parades, tree lightings, break up parties etc etc etc You don’t have to attend everything you’re invited to. It’s okay to prioritise what’s important to you and your family, and let everything else slide.

  4. Relax. Chill. Destress.

    Kids pick up parent’s anxieties. Take an extra 10 minutes at night as you collapse into bed to meditate. Try getting up 10 minutes earlier and meditating of a morning. Long. Deep. Regular breaths are crucial as is remaining grateful – keep that gratitude list replaying in your head. When you’re stuck in traffic, running 10 minutes late for your child’s “insert any activity”, and all the mummy guilt in the world is running through your head and heart.. take a big breath, relax your shoulders and think of some things you’re grateful for. You’ll be late. That’s life.

  5. Have something to look forward to.

    Over dinner one night get a piece of paper and have each child come up with a school holiday FREE event that you can all do as a family. Their answers may surprise you. Set a date that you WILL do each. Write these on a sheet of paper, put them on the fridge. This gives you all something to look forward to, and reminds you just two weeks to go, you can make it! 

Enjoy as much of the last two weeks as you can – swimming carnivals, school discos, carols nights, performance nights/days, awards days/nights, parent teacher interviews, excursions, break up parties etc etc etc.

HANG ON..we’re nearly there, then the real fun begins ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Have you joined our Facebook group yet? You can do so HERE

Looking for a book for your teens for Christmas? Check out Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens HERE

Love

Jo

05/11/2017

The power of a ‘thank you’… and why it’s important to teach this to our kids and teens.

 

Thank you. We teach it to our kids from an early age, and often times it can get lost along the way. But why is it so important? Below are just three of the many reasons to say thank you, expect it to be said to you and if you’re a parent, make it a standard response in your life and your kid’s lives.

  1. Gratitude

Saying thank you shows the recipient you are grateful, you appreciate their effort and what they’ve done for you. 

Gratitude is a virtue that benefits both sides of the table. When children, teens and adults say thank you they are showing their gratitude, out loud. When they don’t it can leave the giver feeling resentful. Teaching kids and teens to be grateful opens up a whole world for them. Check out our chapter on Gratitude in our book Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens

2. Personal engagement

Saying thank you engages the recipient and the giver. And when I say recipient and giver I”m not talking just of gifts, I”m talking of actions, of gestures, of thoughts, of the little things we as humans do for each other every day. In an age where eyes are down on devices far too often, engagement is something we need to hold on tight too. A thank you makes you stop and take stock of what was done for you and how appreciative of that you are (or should be).

3. Respect

Saying thank you is also respectful. Show respect, get respect. When we say thank you we are giving a verbal sign of respect, a nod to the giver. If you want your children to respect others, teach them to genuinely be thankful for the things others do for them, the ‘things’ they get etc. and most importantly, role model the thank you.

 

Let’s bring thank you back.

You’re welcome xo

 

Posted in: Uncategorized
12/08/2017

Where are all the mums?

Where are all the mums?

Where are all the mums? I see photo after photo of family outtings, kid’s achievements, school excursions/discos/sports days/fun runs/dress ups, family adventures, husband and partners, sunsets and bush scenes, food omg sooo many food snaps, and yet there are very few mums turning up in photos, still. I know someone wrote an article on this topic a few years ago and yet mum’s you are still not putting yourselves in the picture.

 

This photo above had us in stitches. Led to sooo many family jokes and hysterical laughter outbursts as we named our chins, worked out who had the most, worked out who had the best arms for selfies, discussed if nose hair or chins were more embarrassing and all agreed, both together would! Yep, we are crazy at times but geez it’s fun. The point is, kids don’t care what YOU look like, it’s fun for them for you to be in them, and should be important to you to be in them for your kids future selves.

Why do we take photos?

Memories of course. And social media. But whose memories? Not just ours but our kids as well. There will come a day, hopefully in another 60 years or so when we parents will no longer walk this earth and all our kids, grandkids and great grandkids will have are their memories, and these are embelished by ………. yep you guessed it, photos. (I’m sure technology will create something else in the future but for the past 100 years and even now, photos are still the main thing).  So put yourself back in the picture, as often as you can. How about for every three photos of the kids you put yourself in the fourth? And if you are putting yourselves in heaps of family pics, yayyyyyy #soproud #gogirl #awesome

But I hate my … *insert any body flaw*

Can I let you in on a little secret? Your kids don’t care that you are X amount of Kilograms under or overweight. They don’t care that your hair is ‘too curly, too straight, too dry, too oily, too … ‘, they don’t care if you’re short, tall, in a wheelchair, on crutches, fat, skinny, old, young, got a pimple, having a bad hair day, etc etc.  Or that you take a family selfie showing your three chins.. okay maybe they care about that because they can do it sooooo much better, apparently ๐Ÿ˜‰ They love you unconditionally! #mindblown and when you hand them their childhood photos and they’re looking at them when you’ve moved on in life or they’ve moved away from home and are missing you and their childhood, or any number of reasons we find ourselves looking at old photo albums, or online albums or whatever, they will ask “Where’s Mum?” “Why is she not in any or many of these photos? Teach them about self love by loving yourself enough to put yourself in the picture. Do it for your kids, put yourself in the picture. 

But it’s about them, not me

You might THINK it’s all about them, but really it’s about your journey too, and for them, their journey WITH you.

Put yourself in the picture, for THEM. 

My kids laugh at my inability to take a decent selfie. It’s become a family joke, so often we’ll take a really crappy mum family selfie then the kids with longer arms will do the ‘decent’ family selfie but guess which one we bond more over, laugh more over and usually choose as our social media or canvas (for the wall) photos? Yep, mum’s crazy family selfie that has us ALL in it.

Get creating memories you can all look back on and enjoy together, laugh at together. 

Now, I have to work out how on earth I’m going to manage my 283gb of photos I have stored on Dropbox and about another 70gb on my hard drive. Any suggestions? 

Have you joined our Facebook group? If not, come on over and join likeminded parents HERE

Have a great week and start putting yourself in the picture more, for you and for your kids.

Love,

Jo

08/08/2017

Senior school subject selection

Pele..success is based on doing what you love

Senior school subject selection is going on in a lot of homes across Australia at the moment. My miss 15 is in grade 10 and it’s that time of her school life. Is it causing your child anguish? You? I hope not.

Almost all of their schooling lives I’ve let the kids decide what THEY want to study and what extra-curricular activities they take part in (within reason otherwise Mr 9 would be doing 10 sports a week!). Senior school subject selection is no different. It’s her choice. And just as with anything choices bring consequences – good, bad and indifferent.

Education is very important in our home, because I know it gives options and opportunities. My main aim with their education has been to get them to a point where at the end of grade 12 they have a variety of choices and are not limited in what they want to do because of grades. We reward effort as much as grades because effort is what gets you places in life. Grades are what open doors. Other pathways offer different doors. I want my kids to have as many doors open to them as possible so THEY can choose – uni, tafe, workforce or a combination. But at least they’ll have choices.

This is where Senior subject selection comes in. Making the right choices and by right I mean the choices that help them reach their goals but also bring joy and fun along the way. One of my favourite quotes:

“Success is no accident. It is  hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, LOVE of what you are doing or learning to do”

Pele (Famous soccer player)

 

Now, having said that there are a myriad of ways to achieve their career paths these days and for kids who want a profession they’ll need university. However, even university has options these days. Currently Miss 15 is wanting to do be a Doctor of Medicine in the Army. Medicine these days is not dependent on an OP 1, although it helps. There are options but there are also pre-requisites which must be met. 

For kids who want to work in a trade, child care, hospitality etc etc etc there are apprenticeships, traineeships, TAFE and trade schools. Just so many options. 

Then there are those kids who will want to go straight into work. So many options there too – private sector, public service etc etc etc.

In my book, Beyond School: Practical Tips for Teens there’s a chapter titled To Study or work, or both? In this chapter I talk about encouraging your kids to find their passions early on and try to make a career from that or with elements of it. Not every furniture making super star will want to be a carpenter, but it sure is a good place to start. 

So as you navigate these next few weeks encourage your kids to look at what they enjoy and what they’d like to spend their lives doing. Have them look at what they’re naturally good at – a great starting point for career decisions. Remind them that if they change their mind in two years time that’s okay, just as it is if they change their minds in 10 or 15 years time. Very few people stay with the same careers or jobs their whole working lives these days. You can change your mind at any time. You’re not a tree, you can uproot yourself and move and change jobs and careers. There are many many options and pathways to your chosen careers and jobs these days. But as always do your homework and know what they are. If going to Uni know what prerequisites are required. If going to TAFE know what is required. If going straight into the work force look for work experience in areas that enhance their employability. 

I’ll leave you with the advice I gave my Miss 15:

Choose the subjects you NEED to do,

then make the rest of your subjects ones that are fun for you”

So now she’s busy working out what she really needs and it seems although she needs Chemistry for some Universities, there is the option to do it as a 4 week course at the end of grade 11 or 12, and have that counted. Meaning she can do her beloved Drama class for senior years. Everyone wins. There are options. Dare to dream kids, the world is your oyster. What options are you giving yourself?

Have a great week and happy subject selecting. Would love to know what your grade 10’ers are currently considering for their future selves (how many of us actually ended up doing what we initially set out to do..very few I imagine, and such is the fun and adventurous rollercoaster that is life).

You can pick up a copy of my hard copy book here

Jo xo

 

09/07/2017

Disneyland 101

 

Disneyland 101 for those who dream of going… tips for the family, the planner and the wallet. This is the first article in a series .. the next one will be called…. Disneyland 102 (genius hey ๐Ÿ˜‰ )! 

Disneyland is the original Disney site. The home of Walt Disney’s dreams and because of this it has a special place in Disney fan’s hearts (make sure you visit the Abraham Lincoln exhibit at the start. .there’s a 10 minute documentary hosted by Steve Martin on how Disneyland came to be.. it was brilliant and will give you an insight into the magic that is Disneyland) Now, Disneyland is not as glamorous or as big as other Disney Worlds. But there is something magical about this place. First thing to note is Disneyland is split into two. One park is called Disneyland, and 100 metres opposite it is Disney California Adventure Park. Your hopper ticket allows you to go freely between the two but seriously it’s exhausting so I’d recommend a one park per day pass and plan well.  To complete the triangle is Downtown Disney which is a compilation of Disney inspired shops where you’ll pay top dollar but have a great time looking at everything and enjoying the upbeat music that makes you want to spend your money there lol.

We loved Disneyland…after the first day!

Choose your days wisely

We chose to go in May as it is one of the quietest months of the year, EXCEPT for the year we went! oops. This year school graduations arrived earlier and whilst we booked our days around grad nights, I failed to consider the extra families that would be tagging along.  Our first day at Disney wasn’t the magical fairytale that dreams are made of. It was ludicrously crowded, noisey and omg if I ever see another stroller again I’ll have issues. The day before our first visit the park had closed as it had reached capacity! The day we went it was close..because for all my research I did NOT think to check when local’s season passes finished. Turns out, the day we went was that day!!! We called it quits mid arvo and headed to the hotel for spas and a swim to return the next day with far less people. 

When planning your trip don’t just check the local weather, look at historically cheaper and quieter times for air tickets and the local area for the year you’re going (that was my big mistake oops).

Disneyland is open from 8am til midnight but you can get in as early as 7:30am and be at the rides ready to go as part of the ‘rope drop’. So plan to get there early because if done right you can get a LOT of rides done in the first two hours before the park fills up. Have a plan of the park, your plan of attack and ensure you have a ‘if we get separated let’s meet here’ spot.

Check Disneyland’s website for graduation nights, and what’s happening on the month you’re going so you can plan your actual days and know days to avoid. If you buy a 3 or more day ticket it will include the early entry pass  .. make good use of that too. 

Where to stay

After walking 15km a day inside Disneyland you won’t want to walk another metre so plan to be at a hotel that has a shuttle to the park or is on the ART (Anaheim Resort Transit) system which costs $5 for adults and $2 for kids per day and is worth every cent (the routes are on their page). We stayed at Super 8 Anaheim near Disneyland because it included breakfast, had a pool and a laundry (important to travelling families) and was on the ART bus line.

Where do I start? 

By setting your budget. Putting savings goals in place. Getting the entire family on board. For more tips on budgeting for big holidays or items check out our article B for Budgeting   

And Don’t forget our article on Chores for kids to get them involved in the budget HERE

THEN, you start researching your optimal dates. What suits your family, your destination and fits with your budget. Start stalking airlines for best ticket prices and then lock in flights. Once you have your flights booked you can then start to fill in the rest of your itinerary by then booking accommodation, then tickets, in that order. Before booking anything though I would highly recommend joining the reward program of the airline you’re about to fly with. Get their travel card, load it up and start paying for things with that card as you’ll then be accumulating points (with money you were going to be spending anyway) and when combined with your flights you’ll find you have a free domestic flight for the whole family when you get back. Score! Use your reward card to book flights, accommodation and park tickets. They also have pretty good conversion rates too. 

 

That’ll do for the part 1 … stay tuned for part 2 in a couple of weeks. We’re moving house (AGAIN) this week.. one of the upsides of renting is a change is as good as a holiday so we’re off to a townhouse complex with a pool, at the kids request (and saves me money so win win). 

Have you joined our facebook group yet? Join us here

 

Love,

Jo

 

27/06/2017

Pocket money, chores and kids (aka, one less parenting stress, Part A)

There are so many differing views on pocket money, chores and kids. So, this is one single mumma’s tale: In our house we work as a team. So there are jobs that need to be done because we all live here! (Such as feed the cat, change the kitty litter, empty the bins, put the bins out, cooking and dishes etc etc). 

However, kids who are not old enough to go out and get part time jobs yet need a way to earn an income so they can learn the value of items, pay for things themselves, be financially empowered and learn financial literacy. So in our home there are also jobs the kids can do to earn money. (As a single working mumma this is also a godsend because I just don’t have the time, energy or care factor to do most of the ones the kids can do and plays perfectly into our Team philosophy).

What and how much?

These include:

Doing my laundry (they have to do their own for free because well they wear and dirty them!) $5 a load

Towels and sheets, $5 a load.

Washing the car and cleaning the inside $5

Washing out the wheelie bins (cause that’s super gross) $5

Weeding in the garden $5

Cooking and dishes on my night (because I hate cooking and I work) $5

Other jobs as they come up and I encourage them to suggest jobs they can do… there’s always something. Like sorting the pantry $3, cleaning out the fridge $5, wiping out cupboards $3, etc.

My kids are 15, 13 and 8. Miss 15 has a part time weekend job so she’s right but she still likes to earn extra around the home to top up her social life, make up purchases and saving for a car and her gap year fund. 

I know some people who give their kids a list of chores and if they do those they get their $5 or $10 pocket money. That’s teaching them to work for a salary and that’s fine too. But it becomes an either or and a point of argument. You really want to avoid that. 

By encouraging them to find jobs that need doing, and paying per job this teaches them the harder you work the more you earn. If they dont’ want to do them then that’s fine, you don’t earn money you don’t get to spend money. It really is as simple as that.

Another thing I do with Mr 8 and did with the girls when they were younger is give them smaller jobs or challenges and pay them in my silver change I had laying around.

Empowering and teachable moments

The upside of helping them earn money is that when you go out, go to the shops, go the local show, go to the movies, go anywhere, they don’t have to ask YOU for money, they have their own to spend! Takes a lot of pressure off you. Gives you a lot of life lesson teachable moments too. Especially if you help them set goals of earning a certain amount each month and help them achieve it and motivate them to reach their goals.

An example: Dan (Mr 8 at the local show) – 

Our local Redcliffe show is this weekend. Charz (Miss 13) went with friend of hers, all cashed up from her bank account (Used her eftpos card for the first time to withdraw) – ran into her a few times, not once did she ask for money just a hug hello, a quick chat and off they went. Meanwhile, Mr 8, counted out his loose change at home ($22.75) and asked me to get $20 out of his spending account so he went with $42.75. 

We had an absolute ball. I spent $14 on my own dinner and a Bertie Beetle bag! Dan wisely chose which rides to go on and decided the show bags ‘weren’t worth it because they’re not good value’ (although he did buy a $5 lolly one on the way out the gate later.. just so he had one I think lol). Absolutely no stress for either of us, he went on what he wanted to, he ate what he wanted because he was buying it, and the entire fantastic night cost me $14 for myself. He felt empowered, he got to make choices for himself and he’s very quickly learning the value of things and all that in relation to how much time that would cost him to earn that much. Great life skills, a great night, and absolutely no financial stress on me (I would have spent only $9 save for the enticing strawberry skewer and my must have Bertie Beetle for $2 hehe).

But I’m on a restricted budget.. what can I do?

For those parents not working budgets are tighter, you can encourage the kids to approach neighbours you know or friends to do chores for them – bring money from the outside in. Work out your own pay schedule that rewards their hard work but keeps you in budget. If grandparents live close by ask them to join in by having jobs for the kids to do in exchange for cold hard cash – you also want them doing things for grandparents for free too because we help those we love.There are so many different things they can do.

The important thing is to be teaching them financial literacy from a young age, putting age appropriate responsibility on their shoulders so they’ll become independent and grateful teens, and kids. 

It’s about finding what works for YOUR family and YOU.

 

Where do I start?

You start by having the conversation with your kids around how you are going to teach them about real life by bringing in chores we do because we live here and things they can do to earn more money, how they will now be responsible for buying their own treats when you go out, how they will be responsible for paying for ‘whatever your family thing is’ and reiterate just how exciting that is because you will have your own money. Tell them how you are going to teach them how to earn the money they need. How the harder they work the more they will earn, and just  how much they earn is entirely up to them.

I usually have a list on the fridge with jobs that need doing that week and what each pays. Initially the kids would fight over them. Now it’s evened out. Some weeks one kid is busier than another or just doesn’t want to, so that gives the others an opportunity to earn more, and it seems to even out. The important thing is to let them know that they can’t just wait until you are going somewhere and then do 10 jobs in the one week,

it’s about earning on a regular basis, saving on a regular basis, and then having a savings account and an account from which they can spend.

You as the parent have to work out how much you can afford to spend on additional jobs each week, and get them thinking outside the box too. With the internet, Gumtree, Ebay, Etsy etc there are so many ways kids can make extra money or maybe even team up and find ways to earn extra money as a family. 

I had to buy some moving boxes lately. Came across a lovely lady who picks up boxes from around town (fast food outlets, shopping outlets etc) and onsells them for $1 each. I paid $15 for the convenience of rocking up to her place and having them put in my boot. Great little sideline business for her, and a convenience for a super busy mum with extra cash but no time at the moment (usually my life has been the other way around!). Find something for YOUR family.

Extra resources…

I’ve written a book full of tips for teenagers but also for anyone else who perhaps didn’t have a family to teach them financial literacy – to help manage money, and learn some life skills. Just $10 and you can get a copy  here 

Play Monopoly with your kids, that helps teach them about accumulation and money to a certain extent. Or Cashflow for kids to teach them about creating income streams. There are a lot of resources out there. Have you set up their bank accounts yet? Preferably two – one for spendings and one for savings (long term so they can watch the miracle of compound interest work for them).

Mentor Mumma… 

Join our Facebook group if you haven’t already to join the conversation and other parents in this journey HERE

Have you seen my 5 minutes of fame on Today Extra yet? I had so much fun, but was sooo nervous. Ended up absolutely having a ball, and so did the kids. If you haven’t seen it yet check it out on our Facebook group: HERE 

 

Have an amazing week all xo

Posted in: Budgeting